Is Being Stubborn Keeping You From the Relationship You Want?
“Well, Jonathon, that was a bold statement, what makes you think I am stubborn?”
Well my friend, have you ever heard the definition of insanity? It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
“Jonathon, do you think I am insane?”
Of course not.
So my friend, here is why I think you might be stubborn:
My take is based after reading numerous comments on my Facebook posts, many of you are projecting the problem of not having a relationship as the man being the issue and that you feel you are in a healthy place. So if you continue to see men as the problem, then can you really find a happy relationship with a man? Is it possible you will continue to attract emotionally unavailable men if your belief around men is unyielding?
Imagine this, imagine if you can let go of all your preconceptions around every man you meet in the future and just look for the soul of a man: his integrity, honor and character.
While you logically know most human beings (men) have issues and baggage (and it’s just a matter of degrees of slightly bad to really bad), what if you set the intention that you will attract men who are doing personal growth work, working on bettering themselves, are emotionally available and have high integrity? Do you think if your mindset is focused on attracting that kind of man the likelihood of finding him is greater than the opposite mindset?
Now ask yourself this, are you in a healthy happy place in your life? If you are, GREAT. If not, how can you attract a man who wants you if you are not in a good place? What personal growth work have you done on yourself to be in a place to receive the relationship you truly want?
If your mindset is rigid then you are probably stubborn and you may not be in a place to attract the relationship you desire.
My advice: stop being stubborn.
I believe that seeking a man who is interested in personal growth is imperative and I am stubborn about that. It is a non-negotiable in my book since personal growth is such a vital part of my life. Have I missed out on good men to date because I’m stubborn about them being open to personal growth? Maybe but I am not budging on that one.
I had so few preconceptions that physical appearence, professional status, degrees, age, nationality, etc… I couldn’t care less about. I thought that what you mention was the most important and the rest didn’t matter much.
Therefore, I have given their chance to all kinds of jerks of different types, to men I was not particularly attracted to just in case a real gem was hidden inside, etc… Now, having seen that jerks are jerks and no gem is actually hidden inside an unattractive man and that I would have been better inspired to trust my gusts first place, I am determined to do it from now on. So yes, I’m stubborn. :b
Now to find one who would be actively working on personal growth, emotionally available (after 50 !), AND have high integrity is about as easy as to find a needle in a haybale, :/
Let alone the fact that he must be interested in you as well ! 😀
As for personal growth work, I’ve questioned myself a lot (that’s why I wouldn’t go for anybody now), learned psychology at the university, undertook therapies long ago to clear lots of stuff from my past (I am a survivor). Sometimes I regret it, Because life was much more simple before. It was much easier to meet men of the same level as mine. Not that I believe I am anything outstanding, I believe I’ve done the job anybody my age should have done (and most of my girlfriends have actually) on every level. Unfortunately, although I would like to believe it is the logical evolution of the majority, I can see every day it is not the case… :/
Dot: Unfortunately, although I would like to believe it is the logical evolution of the majority, I can see every day it is not the case… :/
If that is your belief then that is what you will attract.
I prefer to see the good “in” everybody and it is amazing how I attract so many quality heart centered conscience human beings in my life. IMHO
Oh definitely ! I can see the good in everybody, I guess… At least, this is what my friends tell me and they don’t always mean it as a compliment LOL. They often think I am too positive and understanding. Maybe they’re right ?
I have no trouble believing that when you think negatively, you attract the negative. The thing is, at first, I gave people a lot of credit, and all the same took it for granted that, after a certain age, most would have reached a certain level. So I was very positive on that and my beliefs were in accordance, ok ? So how come I didn’t attract like-minded people at the time ? Because I didn’t change my mind out of the blue. It came from experience and from the fact that it was confirmed by psychologists. It doesn’t mean that I have lost all hope though… I am still very hopefull with every new person I meet. 🙂
And I’ve indeed met a bunch of amazing, interesting, nice, honest people, men and women I’ve become great friends with. This is just in general…
Maybe I am not obsessed enough about the fact that I SHOULD be in a relationship to feel good, therefore can’t find what I am not systematically looking for ?
Because if I comment your posts quite a bit, it is because I find human relationships and brains and interactions extremely fascinating and those are topics I do like to read and talk and exchange about. I’ve spent decades researching and exchanging about them with hundreds of people and I never seem to get tired of it, not because i really seek any relationship at all… :/
A positive attitude about anything is more productive and certainly helps you succeed and reach your goals, provided they are realistic enough. On the other hand, believing in Santa Klaus and persisting in your belief won’t make him exist if he doesn’t… It will just fool you a little longer, IMO…
Jonathon,
Easy to shrug this off as stubbornness when, at times, it could be seen as a very positive quality. In my situation, turning a bit more of this so-called stubbornness ON has lead me to a greater sense of honoring myself. I agree completely with Kelly. There are certain levels of Integrity in my book that are utterly immovable.
I am a firm believer that each of us needs to develop, or maintain, an extremely high level of honoring ourselves, listening to our intuition, our gut reactions and our Divine Guidance. If you want to call that stubborn, I’m very gladly guilty!!!
As usual, I take this to the deeper level first. If you are referring to stubbornness such as “only dating red-heads”, that is a different story.
Just my highly valuable $0.02, ; D
I think I understand perfectly what Jonathan is saying, because I am going through it.
“Imagine this, imagine if you can let go of all your preconceptions around every man you meet in the future and just look for the soul of a man: his integrity, honor and character.”
I met a man on line, there was not a strong, physical attraction, but neither was I repulsed by him either :). I have attempted to find all kinds of picky reasons to not continue to see him–I WAS BEING STUBBORN. He’s such a gentleman and full of integrity, honor and character, AND he’s smitten with me and patient and mature, it was impossible for me to say I wasn’t going to continue to date him to see how things progressed. I decided to give him a few more dates to see how things progres…
He took me out for a really nice dinner on Saturday and we went for drinks afterwards, it was more romantic and physical than our previous dates, and it was very nice–he’s starting to grow on me.
Who the heck knows where this will end up, it’s way to early to say one way or another. But, at this point, I am grateful that I listened to this kind of advice from Jonathan and from other relationship coaches.
So how much do you charge for dating counseling? lol … I think I could really use some help. Never done it much. Want to get married and feel like I’m starting from SCRATCH!
Susan, Please email me at JA@understandmennow.com will respond later this afternoon.