Do the skeletons in your closet work for you for against you?

Will the skeletons in your closet turn him off? Not necessarily…

We all have a few skeletons lying somewhere in our closets in the form of emotional baggage–an iconic image that represents the weight of all the painful memories we carry on our shoulders everywhere we go. These skeletons come in all shapes and all sizes, from unrealistic expectations to problematic trust issues.

Often times, we use the skeletons in our closet to build a cage around our hearts that will protect us from ever getting hurt again, but we also end up rejecting others from ever truly getting close to us. Is your emotional baggage doing you more harm than it is good? I guess that depends on what kind of man you are trying to attract into your life.

In my book, Understand Men Now, a woman’s guide to understanding men in relationships, I talk about six different types of men you will come across in the dating world. When it comes to emotions, most men try to avoid them like the plague, but some men may actually try to help you clean out your closet.

Here are six ways how a relationship ready man might react to the skeletons in your closet:

1. If he’s a nice guy, he’s more apt to accepting you as you are, flaws and all. He knows you have a few skeletons in the closet, but is willing to overlook them because he is kind, caring, and doesn’t mind helping you work through some of your issues, as long as it doesn’t stir up some of his own.

2. If he’s the bad boy type, he doesn’t really care how many skeletons are in your closet, as long as they are all in your closet and not his. He’s great to be around when you need a fun distraction from your issues, but he’s hardly the kind of person you can talk to about your feelings because he simply doesn’t care.

3. If he is somewhat of a Casanova, be forewarned that this kind of man will trick his way to your heart, pitting your skeletons against you and using them to his own advantage. If he seems too good to be true, it’s probably because he is. But if you do end up winning the heart of this guy, then he will be more than eager to come to your rescue and sweep you off your feet.

4. If a man has a few skeletons of his own hiding out in his closet, then it probably would not be wise to share yours with him. Sometimes, a man will focus on or highlight your issues to avoid dealing with his own, but this will only end up creating more emotional baggage in the long run. It might be safe to avoid this kind of man altogether unless you don’t mind sharing a closet full of skeletons.

5. If he’s an intellectual type, know that this kind of man responds better to logic and reason than to feelings and emotions. The only kind of baggage this guy will consider taking is a lightly packed carry on, in which case he may feel so compelled to help you clean out your closet and bury those skeletons so that they don’t haunt you anymore.

6. If he’s an awakened man, he won’t hold your past against you, but he may hold it against you if you’re the type who likes to dwell on the negatives, which can be total turn off for a guy. While the awakened man realizes and understands that emotional baggage is an unavoidable part of life, he may ask you to check your baggage at the door when it’s just the two of you. An awakened man would rather enjoy everything that’s good about you than focus on the bad.

Different kinds of men will react to the skeletons in your closet in different ways, depending on the woman. The more refined we become with age, the more likely we are to carry with us a few skeletons in the closet in the form of emotional baggage. The most important thing I want you to realize is that these skeletons are only a turn off initially, because how well a woman carries herself despite adversity is what really defines her character in the eyes and heart of relationship ready man.