With all the hype surrounded around men, chivalry and what it means for a man to be a gentleman, I think it’s only fair to also explore women and chivalry, and what it means for a woman to be a lady. If a gentleman is expected to open doors, walk on the inside of the curb, pull out chairs and pay for dinners, then what should be expected of a lady in exchange?
When a man first approaches a woman, it’s true that most men are only after one thing. But if you want something different, like an exclusive commitment, then it is your job as the woman to set the standards for that new relationship from the very beginning. You see, there are two types of women the men go after – keepers and playthings – and the way you respond to a man’s advances is what sets you apart in the eyes of a relationship ready man. So if you think chivalry is dead, think again because you just might not be doing your part as a lady.
If you’re looking for a relationship ready man who is a keeper, then you need to be a keeper yourself. Here are a few things to consider if your want to separate yourself as a lady from all the playthings.
A lady is a woman of virtue.
A woman who knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated is incredibly attractive. A lady is the type of woman who knows how to be sexy without showing too much skin, and can hold her own in almost any situation she finds herself in. She is honest and upfront with the men she chooses to date, and she sets clear boundaries if a man is the relationship ready man she is looking for. Most importantly, she’s not afraid to let a man walk away if he can’t give her want she wants.
A lady commands respect and carries herself as such.
Everything you do or say can and will be held against you in the court of love. While most men really are after one thing, that’s only initially, because every now and then, when we discover that rare woman of virtue, she not only has our attention but our respect as well. She alone dictates how a relationship ready man is to treat her and how their relationship will progress on her terms.
A lady allows a man to be a man.
Men are very ego-driven. We may get into bar fights because of our egos, but we also fall in love because of our egos. We know we’re not perfect, but having the support of a woman who appreciates us anyways and values us as the man we have become really helps validate us as men. A real lady doesn’t insult her man when he messes up or does something wrong. Instead, she reinforces to him how strong he is, how smart he is or how competent he is at the things he does do right.
If you want a gentleman, then you need to be the lady a gentleman rightfully deserves because relationship ready men are essentially gentleman in search of their fair lady.
I recently caught the attention of a man who wanted to get to know me. He invited me out for an afternoon drive in the country. When he arrived to pick me up, we both walked toward his car. I approached the passenger side door while he proceeded to get into the drivers seat and start the engine. I stood next to the door patiently waiting. With a puzzled look on his face he leaned over and stated “It’s open!”. I stood still for another few seconds, then let myself into the car. At that moment, it occured to him that I was waiting for him to open the car door for me. He chuckled embarrassingly, covering his face with his hands,and said he was sorry and felt badly for his behavior.
Thank you for this article, Jonathan. I’m glad to see that I’m doing something right!
Nikki, how can appearing too helpless to open a car door and treating a man like a badly behaved child be conducive to a healthy relationship? I absolutely agree with the points made in Jonathon’s article – maintaining certain standards is vital – and if your companion had opened the door for you, that would have been great – but to embarrass him because he didn’t is unfair and unnessary!
Nikki didn’t embarrass her date. He chose to be embarrassed when he realized she wanted to be treated like a lady.
Thanks so much for this article Jonathan, it makes sense to me. I’m dating a man who wants to be a man, and as a woman who grew up in the 70s, it feels really strange! yet does make sense, and it’s also so relaxing to let go of controlling everything, being in charge. That relaxation allows my feminine softness and calm to come through; feels lovely for us both.
Clare while I see what you are saying, we cannot let it lapse! we get what we accept. If Nikki had accepted that, it would have been inconsistent to ask for that consideration later. I think Nikki did it brilliantly, with men you have to show them, not ‘tell’ them, they don’t get chatting, they get action.
I also think that waiting for the man to do those things has nothing to do with being helpless. It’s allowing him to honor you. He knows you can open the damn door! he’s not stupid. A gentleman wants to take care of a lady, so let him.
We are all learning, thanks Jonathan.
Dear Rosie,
You are so right on “That relaxation allows my feminine softness ” there is nothing sexier to a man than a women in her feminine softness. In fact it can even be a drug in so many ways and the man who appreciates you will keep wanting his “fix”
Thank you so much for stopping by and sharing.
Big hugs
Thank you Clare, for your comments and opinion. I appreciate and consider other viewpoints. I feel confident in choosing the behavior (of waiting outside the door) that I did. I think this example is a direct response to a sentence in Jonathan’s article: “…it is your job as the woman to set the standards for that new relationship from the beginning.”
And Rosie and Pat – thank you for the support and kind words!
Much love and relationship success to you all!
Thank you for your responses ladies. I am the youngest of three daughters and my father (who possibly wished for a son) brought me up to always look after myself and to never expect a man to do things for me. In fact, I remember asking for assistance with a heavy object once, for example (obviously a bit later in life!) and he just said “Don’t be silly – you can move it yourself!” This is instilled very deeply into me, and I apologise if my comments were a little strong!
Rosie, I think you have made some excellent points! I particularly like your comment; “He knows you can open the damn door!” as I think this is my fear – that I would be considered less than completely self-sufficient! I will certainly bear this in mind in future, and maybe try a different approach sometimes!
Clare, I just want to say that I can relate very well to how you grew up. I applaud you for being so open and flexible. It’s been tough to change the way I think about men and relationships as I never learned anything like this growing up. Flexibility and openness are priceless. So I wish you much success and love in your relationships and hope you find someone who both respects and cherishes you.
Fellow Changer,
Marge 🙂
BRAVO Jonathan, you nailed it especially with this line: “A lady is the type of woman who knows how to be sexy without showing too much skin, and can hold her own in almost any situation she finds herself in.” How brave you are to say this, Jonathan, “who knows how to be sexy without showing too much skin “!!! Applause to you, Jonathan, for showing and reiterating a lady’s decency and virtues! Today’s women are brainwashed by mainstream media to follow the nakedness of Kim Kardashan and superficial actresses and Hollywood movies sex goddesses like Marilyn Monroe -a favorite of one of the highest paid love coaches out there (I wish I could name names) so many love gurus out there are misleading women. Jonathan, you are one-of-a-kind! Keep up the good work!