A Glance or Drooling, Where Do You Draw The Line?
When is looking at another woman acceptable or unacceptable behavior by your man?
You’re in a fantastic relationship, you both love each other and are in the beginning phases of building a life together. All is going great except, while out having dinner together, he casually glances at a beautiful woman while she walks by. Often I’ve heard men say they are naturally drawn to look at a beautiful woman (in fact they can’t help themselves), but is that a no-no in a monogamous relationship?
From the male perspective if questioned you might hear phrases like: “Well, I’m not dead,” or, “Just because I’m on a diet, doesn’t mean that I can’t look at the menu.”
Men can justify their reasons a hundred different ways and what really matters most is how you feel about the look. The reality is, healthy men and women can have an appreciation for beauty or what they find attractive. The old saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and catching a glance can happen at a restaurant, in the movies or starring into your beloved’s eyes. That glance might even be noticing toilet paper on her shoe.
Frankly, I don’t think a glance is that big of a deal.
Some say women who are insecure or controlling might take issue and challenge a man for such an action. Personally, I don’t think is makes a woman insecure or controlling if she wishes to engage in a dialogue. Healthy relationships should be able to talk about anything, even when her guy gets attracted and distracted by a beautiful woman.
Here’s is the thing, if a man is questioned for this action he might perceive it as controlling or insecurity. In addition, men don’t want to justify every little action. Therefore, ask yourself, was this an innocent glance or was he drooling and foaming at the mouth? If he was foaming at the mouth you might have a bigger issue.
My Facebook friend Nicole J.’s husband shared his perspective and his feelings mirror my own:
‘He broke it down like this from a “man in love” perspective. He said, “Men may notice an attractive woman, however if they are in a happy relationship often the very next thought is of you and the genuine gratitude they have that they still, no matter what, would rather be with you over any other woman. And then there is gratitude that THEY are not out there anymore.”
So here is the bottom line: men will look at a beautiful women whether you are in the room or not, it’s gonna happen. For the men who are in an unhappy relationships, this might be the beginning of a bigger issue and you should observe his actions throughout your time together. If the signs are many (constant distractions and a feeling of distance), ask yourself, is this the right relationship for you?
Just know this, when a man is in love and grateful for the relationship he is in, these momentary glances are nature’s way of saying “hey, you’re still alive”.
I am sure this goes both ways too! I guess I was pretty good at disguising my looks as I reembering hearing my ex wife say how I never looked. Guess I got away with something 🙂
When I was with my partner for 17 years in a public his attention and his eyes were always with me and on me. He wasn’t interested on any other woman passing by. I really appreciated this quality in him and felt always very safe and secure with him. I knew when we were together that I was the most important person to him. He proofed it with his actions.
My boyfriend of 1-1/2 years “glances” (I accept it as being a man). However, we were at dinner recently when an attractive woman and he eyed each other. We were in a good conversation, connecting when he just quickly and totally withdrew his focus from me and our conversation. It felt like a bucket of cold water was suddenly dumped on me. I felt rejected and not good enough. He empoweed himself like a rooster in a hen yard. The entire evening was lost. We fumbled thru the rest of the meal, went back to my home, he left shortly thereafter. A few days later we talked about it. He said I was jealous and too sensitive. I told him I understand men catching glances, but this was over the line and i thought he was being disrespectful of me. This is not the first time this sort of thing has happened. And, lately he’s let me know my booty is not perky enough, i need to tighten my abs, etc. Please note….I’m 64 years old and have been told by many people I look more like 50, Im considered attractive, etc. He Is 78 but looks 10 years younger , but does he ever need to lose weight in the gut, etc., etc. Aside from all of this, we both enjoy spending time together, we’re both intelligent, interesting, etc. I suggested we just not see each other, that he needs to take responsibility and go after what he really wants. Am i being unreasonable?