Why Are Some Women Destined To Remain Single?
“There’s No Good Men Out There” is getting old. If everyday there are new happy relationships being formed, what’s the chances it’s really about the quality of men? Look, I get it. Of course there are some guys who are jerks, but the operative word is “some”. Not every guy is a cheater, a player or emotionally unavailable. Not every guy is a flake or lacks class. Not every guy is looking for a one night stand. Not every guy is broke seeking a sugarmama. Not every guy is hung up on an ex. And, not every guy is like your ex. In fact, most guys are pretty hard working, decent men who seek loving companionship. Yes, there are some guys who are all of the above, but most men are good guys.
Could it be that something else is going on?
Every week I meet or speak to fantastic women who are attracting love into their lives. In fact the other day I spoke to a woman in her 70’s who met the second love of her life after her husband died. Can you believe it, she found love in her seventies. She had one simple principle she followed when she began dating. Her internal voice kept saying “I love men”. Everyday she would say it over and over, “I love men”. She told me she loved everything about men, they way they smelled, they way they looked and even the way they acted. She loved men.
Now she also told me that “being the best I can be” is how she lives her life. Exercise, reading books, nurturing friendships, spending time with family and healthy eating habits is vitally important to her and her life. She felt being the best she can be would be attractive to men and she was right. Her guy is attracted to who she is on the inside and her zest for life. By the way, she looks great on the outside too.
Speaking to a 70 year old woman can really give you perspective (something about life experience and wisdom which I find very attractive). She told me that most women today are just bad daters even the women her own age. She said that they either have a chip on their shoulder, they believe men are bad, they think sex is how you win a man over, they don’t feel good about themselves to be in relationship or they really don’t know what they want. Now you might be thinking, hey she’s an older woman with limited choices and what does she know anyway. Well that’s one way to look at it, but she found love and that’s what really matters… right?
Let’s face it, we all want love and while I agreed with her that many women are bad daters, most women have so much going for themselves and just need a little help when it comes to dating, mating & relating. In fact, for most women finding love is just a matter of time.
Dating can be like the lottery and sometimes it just takes buying a ticket (or going out on dates) before you get a winner. With the lottery, every play produces multiple winners from a jackpot to small prizes and there are lots of winners. Dating can be much like the lottery and you must buy a ticket to win.
So let me ask you, is the reason why some women are single: A) there are no good men out there, B) they are just bad daters or C) not going out on dates?
Personally, I think it’s just a matter of timing and if you approach dating with a positive attitude, be the best you can be and go out on dates your chances of finding a loving relationship has much better odds.
So what’s the real reason why some women are destined to remain single?
Jonathon, I think this is a really grounded upbeat article & as you always say, what you see is what you get…ATTITUDE COUNTS…get rid of any negative energy & thoughts So does being your best self inside & out & approaching dating like a wonderful adventure without limitations nor expectations!! Wonderful to know with all the competition out there women in their 70’s are still finding love!!
I would like to add that a lot of women don’t really know what they want ( they focus more on who is available than what would fit them)
I have asked myself this question many times, because I am single and don’t want to be. I have many friends in two separate categories right now: many newly married or in new relationships, and these are good, evolved relationships, and also girlfriends or colleagues who are single and can’t figure out why. My single friends are all good people, but as it relates to men, they can be very negative and cynical. They find lots of fault with men, generally. There’s always something wrong. They are basically closed to the idea of finding a man at all. I think it is because there’s something within themselves they don’t accept. I believe the world is a mirror, a reflections of ourselves. We get what we put out. I think it has something to do with our own self worth. Where am I not feeling strong enough to put myself out there? One has to extend oneself to meet people. I think this is the key. It’s within me, not out there in the men that’s the problem. I personally know many great men right now, but if I am not aware and leading with the greatness in myself, my eyes are not open to what’s possibly right before my eyes.
I am a young widowed mom. I agree with attitude. I cannot afford a sitter to go out. When I had gone out in the past I was deeply hurt from cheaters and men who didn’t want a woman with child. So at 70 you can go out but what do you do when you have a small child and are trying to survive? I’d love to be in love again with a man who could love my child too and be ok with my busy days and nights. Is that possible?
Jonathon, this is such a great article. It really hits the nail on the head. I particularly like the womans affirmation. I think I will make an addition and say, “I love men, and they love me” ( and then under my breath, “I love myself too”. Thank you Jonathon!
Where did the woman in your story meet all these wonderful men? I, too, work hard to be the best I can be. I eat right, excercise, take classes, travel, have beauty treatments, stay thin and healthy etc.
However, I find that most of the men in my age bracket don’t do the same thing. 40% of them could shed 25 pounds and lose the pot bellies. Many of them have heavy facial hair to cover wrinkles. They dress “down” and I mean down. Two dinner dates I recently had: One came in baggy shorts and dirty white trainers. Another came in long pants, but with a oversized tee shirt and flip-flops. I had spent some time to get ready and look pretty, showing respect for my date, In return, I got flip-flops!!! And don’t get me started on personalities. When was the last time you spent a whole evening talking about someone’s back problems, knee problems, prostate problems? Boring!!! Or how about listening to fantasies about bedding a supermodel. Yes, it has happened to me. Just imagine!!! Maybe men don’t realize that when they get older, they have to spend more time on their presentation and appearance, not less time.
All the dating information out there is for women. Do men have any responsibility to be the best they can be for us? Do you think I should “settle”?
I so agree with Flo. I love men however I do think they should try to color their hair for example or still try to look good after age 40. There are so many hair treatments for men so that they still can have hair. I do wish many could b aware of all this.
Really? You want a man to color his hair? How about accepting him and loving him for who he is, not what his surface looks like? Yes, I want to date a man who takes care of himself and who presents himself well, but there are some pretty fabulous guys out there who consider closed toes shoes dressed up and men with thinning gray hair or none at all. How can I expect a man to love the fullness of who I am if I am not willing to do the same for them. Will they leave me if I decided to stop coloring my hair one day or my thyroid goes beserk and I gain 40 lbs? Probably not. But the guy who is overly concerned about looking good for other people will.
I am divorced a couple years after divorce of 24 year marriage. I think it is difficult to find men in my age range, 50, who are active and fit, and have the things you speak of, the 5 C’s. I tell myself I havent found the right one yet is all, but really would like to be in a relationship.
I have tried online sites, etc but attraction isn’t something I often find. My friends say I am too picky…am I?
What we focus on, we create. Keep positive, focus positive and positive will eventually come. 🙂 Great article Jonathan.
well with so many women nowadays that think they are all that with their high paying jobs, that would do it. just too many high maintenance women out there today, especially the ones with the attitude problem which many of them seem to have lately.
I Think that to people who have been etraordinarily lucky, it may seem as if the rest of the World are just bad daters or whatever. But the truth is that not everyone is lucky. I’m 28, I’m no bad looking, yet in my tenage years and very early twenties I was in a coiple of abusive relationships. It’s not that easy for everyone to have that “Little-miss-sunshine-attitude” all the time. Some of us have history and baggage. I Think it’s just easier for someone who has had great eperiences earlier in Life with men and with Life in general to be all positive and have a good selfesteem. It’s perfectly possible to have a bad childhhod and as a result of that get into bad relationships, and as a result of that, just get into a Vicious cycle. It doesn’t mean that it’s anyones fault. Life is unfair, tht is why some people are starving and dying in wars and other people have comfortable easy lives. So sick of hearing the people wo lucked out lecturing the rest of us about how we are “wrong” and “bad”. Just because you’re 70, it doesn’t mean you have been through shit in Life. Some people live in a bubble all of their lives, that’s the truth!!
Malin, sorry to say it is you in the bubble! I am going to give you a lecture. Wake up to yourself. We all have shitty baggage in our life, just some of us don’t let it affect us. We choose to look positively on life, you can choose to move forward and be positive. Stop being negative. It happened and that can’t be changed but you can change how you live each day in the future. Get out of abusive relationships as soon as they happen, it’s a choice to stay. Have respect for yourself and what you want, you can say yes or no. You choose how you live your life. Life is unfair for all of us, but we choose to appreciate and be grateful for everything. Gratitude brings rewards. Smile and see what happens!
Malin: You’re only 28. You got your entire life ahead of you. Most women these days don’t marry until they’re in their 30s. Don’t give up hope yet (not till you’re nearly 56 like me and no prospects whatsoever lol j/k) Elaine: I would suggest you read the book “Bright Sided:” by Barbara Ehrenrich. There is a growing body of evidence that positivity isn’t always good for one, especially when positivity is denial, or when that positive lacks compassion for people who really are suffering. Positivity without compassion is like pouring salt in a wound.
Well, I can’t speak for other women, but here’s my problem: Over the past three years, I’ve met FIVE different guys (all Americans) who when I expressed interest in them all told me they only wanted foreign women (of the mail order bride variety.) They claim those women are prettier and more ‘feminine’ than American women. The first four I was like “meh” but the last guy I was truly interested in him. Sadly, he was the most cruel of all. He wrote me an email outline precisely why he’d never consider me for dating or marriage: he cited my age (4 years younger than his 59 years), my past divorce status, my body size, my race, and even the fact that I am a grandparent! All things about me that I can’t change (except the weight and even that is hard). Well, a flurry of angry emails went back and forth, and I must admit, I let him have it! Shot him a few home truths, then said I didn’t want to see or speak to him again and said good luck finding that purple unicorn. We eventually apologized for saying mean things to each other, and he even told me he hoped to come visit me again. Well, a month ago, he had the audacity to text me a picture of himself with some Ukrainian gal he apparently met on one of those so-called ‘romance tours.” He says he’s seriously interested in courting here. Well, I felt blindsided, and I’m quite hurt and feeling very defeated. Of course “Svetlana” (not her real name) is “perfect” … with the long blonde hair, blue eyes, thin body, and youth (early to mid 20s). She’s never been married, and I’m sure she can still have kids. Seems that no one wants an menopausal fat Black woman pushing 60 who “has a past” and is considered “damaged goods”. The unkinded cut of all? According to him and others, I should just “get past this marriage thing” and accept being single. One person went so far as to suggest I consider becoming a lesbian (how’s that for a total insult?) It amazes me that people can be so mean and actually think they can curse someone to a lifetime of loneliness simply because they don’t look like a supermodel or are not thin or no longer young.
Well for us good men that are still single when many of us shouldn’t be at all which i can certainly Blame the kind of women that we now have out there nowadays for this since it does take two too tango. With so many women that have their careers now making their six figure income which unfortunately has really changed most of them for the worst of all since most of these women now are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, greedy, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry as well. These women will only want the very best of all and will never settle for less since they will never go with a man that makes much less money than they make which they will carry their greediness and selfishness with them everywhere they go since it is all about them today unfortunately which makes these women so very sad and pathetic altogether now more than ever. This is certainly a very excellent reason why many of us men can’t find real love today at all since these women have really caused our singleness today since we really have no reason at all to blame ourselves either for this mess. Just look at all these stupid reality shows that they now have on TV as well as the media that has really corrupted many of these women’s minds as well since many of these women really do lack intelligence as well and really can’t think for themselves anymore. Most of the women don’t even have respect for us men anymore today and they have such a very rotten personality as well as no good manners at all when many of us men will try to start a conversation with a woman that will attract us which doesn’t go to well for us at all. I even had a woman curse at me one time for just saying good morning to her which really shocked the hell out of me too which a friend that i know had it happened to him as well after it happened to me already. It certainly has become very extremely dangerous for us good innocent single men to talk too a woman since the times today unfortunately have very much changed for the worst of all and so have the women as well which it is very obvious why i can see that many of us men are still single now which makes it very sad for us looking for true love now since we certainly were born at such a very bad time these days. Now i can see why our family members were very extremely blessed finding real love with one another years ago since it really came so very easy for them. It is just too very bad that many of us men weren’t born many years sooner to find a real good old fashioned woman since many of us would’ve been all settled down by now ourselves instead of dealing with this mess today.
Most women today are very very high maintenance, with very very high standards too. Especially the career women now that just expect and want the very best of all. A lot of these women will just grow very very old all alone with a bunch of cats when their time comes.
Yeah, just so many women nowadays with their very high outrageous unrealistic expectations unfortunately. Quite a very big change in the women now compared to the past when most women back then didn’t have much at all. and now they want everything.