To Lie Or Not To Lie, The Rub Of Online Dating
For some, listing their true age in their online dating profile is a conflict for fear of being overlooked.
Let’s face it, most everyone prefers honesty in everyday life. There’s a sincerity and straightforwardness in a persons conduct when they are honest and tell the truth. Even if the facts may hurt, most of us believe honesty is the best policy (unless a woman asks “does this dress make me look fat?”).
Can a lie benefit you when it comes to finding love?
One of the most common lies for those internet dating is their posted age. Age is a tricky factor when it comes to dating for fear of being rejected if you’re perceived too old. Some men who are in their late 40’s or 50’s & 60’s feel more masculine dating younger women and some women in the same age brackets feel that many men their age or older are duds and lifeless.
If you’re a woman in your 50’s or 60’s you might not even be seen in the searches by someone your own age, if the average man seeks a woman 5, 10 or even 15 years younger. Then there are the men who lie about their age for the very same reason. From my observations, most under 40 list their true age and unless you’re seeking to start a family and in the baby making years, age doesn’t really matter.
So what’s the answer if you’re over 40 and might be overlooked, do you lie about your age just to be seen in searches?
Maybe YES, maybe NO.
But if you’re an honest person, would you feel out of integrity if you lied about your age? And if you do, and start a relationship, when will you tell the truth? Or will you?
The reality is that online dating websites are merely a search tool for connecting with like minded single adults, and the goal is to get the date or make a new friend. If you were out in public and connected with someone organically, you wouldn’t know a persons age when you first meet anyway. You could be talking to an amazing human being out in public, begin dating and think them fantastic and age might never be a factor. If you’re going out on a job interview a potential employer isn’t allowed to ask your age because it’s discriminating, should online dating be any different?
So let me ask you, how do you feel about eliminating age from the profile questionnaire?
Love isn’t bound by age or is it?
I am currently on an online dating site. I put my age as 10 years younger in the search field, but in my profile put my real age.
I don’t think age should be omitted.
Tell the truth about your age – you are going to have to eventually. And if a man wants a woman who is 15 years younger than you are, it’s ridiculous to try to get that guy to look at you if you are not 15 years younger – not to mention self demeaning! IMHO!
Funny, on one profile I just put a random birth date and it end up making me a year older than my actual age.
For me the age isn’t my problem. I guess because I know I look really good for me age 🙂 so I proudly state it!
I have had the issue w/ height. I am 5’9 1/2″ Profiles only let you choose between 5’9″ and 5′ 10″ In the past I would round up to 5′ 10′ but recently I’ve started saying 5′ 9″ Which is still tall but I feel like 5’10” sound so much taller. And I feel it really doesn’t matter because everyone who meets me says I look taller than 5’10” (but I am not)
The other one is trying to determine what to say on body type. I personally feel like that
one is relative. What one person my call, curvy, another may call large etc. I think the parameters put us in a box in general. I dont know that lying about your age is the answer as much as its important for us individually to try and open up our own parameters.
I’m 63 and I’m trying to date women close to my own age because I’m retiring in a few months and I’m planning to travel extensively and want to be in a relationship with a woman at the same stage in life I am. I’m a widower and had a very happy 27 year marriage with my late wife so I value strong character traits like honesty.
Today I was contacted by a woman on Match whose profile said she was 50. I wrote back saying that 50 was a little young for me and she replied that she’s really 56 but listed herself as 50 “for filtering reasons”. I sent her back a nastygram and blocked her from further contact.
How is this any different from lying on your CV “for filtering reasons” just to get an interview? Or cheating on test in order to get hired fro some job or in order to qualify for a graduate program? How is it any different from a politician lying about being a veteran so voters will give him a chance to hold office?
So let me ask you Peter… have you ever lied in your life? If the answer is no, then you are the only honest person on the planet. The fact is, we’ve all lied at some point in our lives and to be branded as a liar seems pretty unfair in my book. Personally, I believe most people are good honest people (even yourself) and most everybody is doing the best they can. So can you do me a favor? Can you for a moment put yourself in her shoes and ask “what was her good reason?” The fact is, many men reject good women for ageism and she was merely trying to be seen by more men and she was upfront right form the get go. From what I’ve observed, those who have compassion attract good souls into their lives… so instead of rejecting her, maybe see her POV before projecting.