5 Online Dating Safety Tips Every Woman Should Know
Meeting and building quick rapport is so easy online and lately I’ve noticed that women all too often let their guard down, lose their common sense or abandon their self protection to a total stranger.
Reflecting back to when I was single & looking after my divorce, I’m shocked at how easily a woman WHO I DID NOT KNOW would invite me to her home (having never met me before) after a few chats via phone/email/text. It was kinda easy to WOO and WOW women on the phone and they not only thought me safe, they felt an almost unique connection with me. Now I mostly would talk to moms, because as a dad, I thought them safe. So how did they know I was safe? Just because they read a profile and a few correspondences or shared one cocktail at a bar, they felt they knew me and felt comfortable. As a man who is an excellent communicator and emotionally connected, I was one of the most dangerous of daters. Because some women felt an instant chemistry and even a spiritual connection with me, as if they had known me all their life… “he’s different so he must be safe.”
Well the good news is that I was and am safe and so are most guys. However, is it really worth taking the risk for the 1-2% who might be dangerous?
As you heart protector here are some common sense safety tips when you think he’s different:
First, meet in a public place. There is safety in numbers and meeting for the first time in a restaurant or coffee shop would provide enough witnesses should the date turn sour. Never – and I mean never – meet a man at his home or even think of inviting him to your home until you really get to know him.
Second, tell a friend about your date. Yes, tell a friend or family member the details about where you are meeting, give them his contact details like name and phone number and any other additional information you have about him. Check in with your friend during the date or ask your friend to call you during the date to let them know how you are doing. Besides, this can be used as an escape clause if you feel like the date isn’t going well: “Hey Jim, my friend needs me because of an emergency and we have to end the date.”
Third, drive yourself to the date and drive home by yourself. Having your own wheels gives you control should the date go bad. The worst thing is to be reliant on somebody else for transportation as it gives them the control on how long you spend together and let’s face it, it’s safer to have your own car just in case.
Fourth, stay sober. This may be obvious, but alcohol creates bad judgement and I have known too many women who have said yes to coming to my home after a few drinks. Now remember, I’m a safe guy and so are most; however, alcohol impairs our senses and the last thing you want to say in the morning is, “Why did I do that?”
Fifth, NO phone sex prior to meeting him. Yes that’s right, no phone sex before getting to know him. As a veteran of creating an intimate conversation with women leading to phone sex, I knew she was a sure thing for real sex when we met. If a woman “got off” on the phone before meeting me, she was sure to jump in bed after meeting me and chances are it was going to be the last meeting as well. So remember, NO phone sex unless you have no problem potentially being a one night stand girl.
Let’s face it, I was no angel when I began dating after my divorce and I operated on an “it’s all about me” strategy. My experiences and understanding the way men think & act has allowed me to share my wisdom to help women who are single & looking.
So my lesson today is to recognize that sometimes intuition can be confused by the chemical attraction or connection we feel for another person “as if we’ve known them all our life.” Common sense can be thrown out the window by believing it’s our inner voice talking. Safety is still safety and being safe ALL the time is a better bet than trusting your gut with someone you have never met, don’t ya think?
So there you have it, 5 quick and easy safety tips for the first date meeting from an online connection.. By the way, this works for offline connections too.
Care to share any other online dating tips you have learned over the years?
As someone who has happily heeded all of your fantastic advice, I’d like to add another. Do a background check if you can. I live in a state in which it is easy to do and once had to cancel a date with a guy who had pending charges, domestic violence with a firearm! GULP. That was an eye-opener.
So women, while on-line dating CAN lead to love, just keep your head about you and listen to your intuition too.
I appreciate the honesty of the personal touch as to what you were like in the beginning of your dating journey, knowing the person you are today. WIsh there were a way to sort out those who are new at dating and floundering around a bit making mistakes versus the players. But in thinking about that as I type, I guess the floundering around ones would be more likely to be fairly new in the dating scene versus men who have been divorced for quite a bit of time. For the first meeting, I meet in a Starbucks at a local Barnes and Noble that’s in a strip mall. That way, when it’s time to part, I say I’m staying at B&N to shop to avoid being walked to my car and to avoid the possibility of a man obtaining my license plate # in the event I wasn’t comfortable with him during the meet.
Great post Jonathon! I guess my nature is to not trust others. (Men anyway) I’ve always insisted on meeting at the restaurant and I have never gone home with anyone or invited them to mine until I got to know them. In fact it would be at least 5 or 6 dates before I would let them pick me up at my house. Also, knowing myself and that 2 glasses of wine can loosen me way up (ok, I’m a lightweight when it comes to alcohol) I limit myself to 1 glass of wine and do not let the waiters top off my glass. I know there are some women who don’t feel the need to take these safety precautions, I mean phone sex before the first meeting, get out!
Jonathon Aslay, you must be kidding about the phone sex!! What a charmer you were…LOL!!
I would also add do not get into there car for any reason, i have had a scare doing this. I agree with all of you advice, i could write a book about my experiences with dating since my divorce, you also do not want them to know where you live in case they may stalk you and or work unless like me you have to have a badge to get in.
I like the background advice given. Did you know that with a first name, last name, middle name or initial and birth date, you can actually learn a lot about someone. When I was dating, I happened to check a couple of people I had a weird feeling about (that alone should have told me everything I needed to know) on google. Yep, simple google search and I found some very scary things from scammers, mug shots, court system records and all kinds of things. In fact, I worry about people I don’t find any info on and would probably do a further background check. I don’t date any more because I’m happy single but for those out there still trying, follow the excellent advice above. 🙂
Great read and awesome tips! I’m showing my girlfriends friend this post.
This is the best safety measures you can consider when meeting someone you know online. You better be careful in who’s your meeting with.
Excellent advice Jonathan. I will certainly make note of them, not knowing when I might need this advice again. I am not guilty of the phone sex but cyber sex a couple of times. Oh dear. I have gradually lost interest in that person anyway. We communicate once in a while and I will never do that again, whether with him or anyone else.
Oh the background check said by a fellow reader. Thumbs up for that one. Great. Thanks for that one. Very important.
I have one tip. Be careful of guys on dating sites or social networking sites (whether u know them or not) who says that they just want friendship. While it may be true that a guy could just want friendship for true, many of these men online are married or in committed relationships, therefore they will tell u that they just want friendship. Hope Jonathan will see this. But how can u tell if a guy u have met online is involved with someone else or he is married? Its very important for us all to know as when I am ready to return to online dating which will be one of options maybe, I would like to be armed with the information.
Do a search on his username if you meet him on a dating site that uses usernames. If I had done that I would have seen his profile on all the swing and BDSM sites he was using. Also, do a search of portions of his profile too. See where else he has copied and pasted it.
“Meeting and building quick rapport is so easy online and lately I’ve noticed that women all too often let their guard down, lose their common sense or abandon their self protection to a total stranger.”
The reason we do that is that when we *don’t*, then we are berated by men for “not trusting them” or “being angry shut-down women”.
We can’t really win with you guys.
Really Im, is that really true?
Each day I speak to happy women everywhere in happy really relationship. So your suggestion that “The reason we do that is that when we *don’t*, then we are berated by men for “not trusting them” or “being angry shut-down women”.
This doesn’t hold up in the world I live in.
How would your life be different if you didn’t think that way?
Awesome post this article has some extremely good point’s process to find girls for make relationship. Thanks for sharing precious information again….
“Really Im, is that really true?”
*sigh*
Yes, Jonathan.
Not only is it true, but it’s happened to me more than once, and it’s happened to girlfriends of mine more than once.
You know, I really wish you’d stop challenging things that happen to be my own personal experiences, just because they’re outside the scope of your own and they shoot some holes in the happy carefree picture you’re trying to paint that all women can have love if they just work hard enough (which attitude, of course, supports the increased sale of your products, so I don’t imagine it’s an accidental pose).
It’s not the first time you’ve done it, and it’s not a good look for a purported professional.
The guy readers on Doctor Nerdlove’s blog pull stuff like that, and they don’t have a lot of experience in the dating world.
I would have expected better from someone holding himself out as a “dating and relationship expert”.
And you wonder why I give some men a side-eye. :-/
“This doesn’t hold up in the world I live in.”
Then I’d like to move there, then. It sure sounds like a mighty nice world.
Meanwhile, back here on Planet Earth …
I think doing some background research on potential dates is a good idea. If you dig deep and can’t find anything than I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Of course if it’s easy to find dirt or any red flags I would politely decline any opportunity to be alone at night in his car lol. What’s worked for me is just not caring what guys think of me. If they think they’re getting lucky or whatever let them think that, and if they get mad when they don’t than who cares. They need to be responsible for themselves.
good tips that help me thanks you….
Seriousl;y thanks to you for sharing your experince. Because everyone know dating means to spend some precious time with some one special.But we avoid our safety and things for what to do next . so thanks for sharing suc a nice post. everyone must follow this essential tips.
Thankyou
Good Tips Thanks For sharing This Article with us