There Are No Good Men Out There. Really, Is That Really True?
If I had a nickel for every time I heard that “there are no good men out there,” I would be rich. Well, actually I am rich. Rich because I am following my passion helping women understand men.
Shifting patterns and stories is a foundational piece of my work with almost every client and follower. Most of you know my mantra of “loving men,” love everything about them and believing that good men are “everywhere”. This mantra is designed to shift the belief that there are no good men out there or that men are jerks. My clients who use this approach seem to attract loads of great men into their life.
The reality is that good men are everywhere and standing next to you every day. Good men come in all shapes and sizes. At the food counters, in an office building, at your local gym, in Meet Up groups, online dating websites or even in your own circle of friends. But here’s the thing… some men are just bad daters. Their online dating profiles are poorly written or worse they have lousy pictures up. They could be nervous asking a girl out for a date because they are a bit shy. Maybe they have been heartbroken before and are a little spooked about dating.
Here’s the thing, good men are everywhere and maybe they need a little help to approach YOU.
Can you share one way you get past a man being a bad dater, what’s your approach? In addition, if you were to tell a friend three ways to get past the belief that there are no good men out there or that all men are jerks, what would it be?
In the search for love, is it really true there are no good men out there?
So right Jonathon! There ARE GREAT men out there! However I found the BEST!!!!!
Like you said, it’s all about attitude and outlook. I’ve always believed that there ARE great men AVAILABLE and have never regretted any choice I’ve made. I look at the past as valuable lessons learned and the future as hopeful. Thanks for your inspirational blogs Jonathon! Keep them up. 🙂
I recently met a guy (through a friend) who showed STRONG interest in me. Everything was fantastic in person, but has been odd & awkward by phone since then. He’s mentioned seeing each other but hasn’t asked me out. I’m trying to figure out if he’s insincere or bad at dating. I’m still unsure how to handle the situation.
Hi Jonathon ~ My advice to a girlfriend would be 1. If you truly believe there are no good men out there then you shouldn’t even bother dating! And stop whining about it already.
2. In order to attract a Great guy worth dating….you have to first be a Great woman that is worth dating….
3. Whatever you believe and you tell yourself…YOU ARE RIGHT…and that is the energy that every guy you ever meet will feel….so start by telling yourself something radically different and look for one thing that is good and see if something radically different happens for you. NOTE: it is not enough to say it….you have to believe it…because the truth of what is in your heart will be energetically conveyed even without words.
I am not the best woman to go on a date with a bad dater….if it’s awkward or the conversation doesn’t have a natural flow…(and I can make just about any conversation flow) then it isn’t likely that I will feel any real organic connection and tend to hit NEXT….he might then become a really great friend…but not likely anything romantic would come from it. But, 9 times out of 10, I would have figured the connection, ability to communicate out through phone calls, texts and email and possibly wouldn’t have made it to a date. I know I may have missed some really terrific guys but I know myself too well…..There’s a tshirt by Big Dog that says, “If you can’t run with the Big Dogs, stay on the porch” I’m a big dog kinda woman. Let’s Run! …who let the dogs out….woof woof woof woof!
Further sharing: we have all had our hearts broken, ripped out and stomped on by someone who was a jerk….but that doesn’t mean all men or women are jerks….and chances are….we have done our fair share of breaking, ripping and stomping of hearts ourselves.
I think it even goes beyond the idea that ‘some’ men are bad daters and what my personal experience in dating has been is that many men have not invested the time, energy and effort to grow themselves emotionally and so they are less equipped for true intimacy in a deeper love relationship. I am NOT saying that they are wrong….just that this is often what I have experienced. Let’s face it, from the time a little girl can talk, she is mastering the emotional language….and males don’t often begin to get even remotely interested in this language until they discover that if they want to win, capture and hold a woman’s heart for any length of time they have to learn this language women speak. Communicating, connecting and building relationships is a passionate hobby for most women…something we simply love to do. Men do this on a very different level but this does not make them wrong. Men are EQUALLY wonderful, fabulous, yummy and good as women can be…they are just different on so many levels than us…Thank God! But where they are not different is in their desire to be known, love, accepted and respected. As women it would go a long way for us to stop expecting men to learn our ways, our ways, our ways….and start learning a little more of their ways and how we can honor them and love them in our differences…when a healthy guy sees this….he will learn by our example and naturally want to learn more of our ways….most men LOVE LOVE LOVE to make their woman happy….we need to hand out more doggie bones for their good behavior and this will in turn create more and more of their goodness. People are wired to do more of the things they are praised and rewarded for….not criticized for.
Far more than women, I think men are deeply wounded….from childhood they are told not to cry, don’t be a sissy, be a man etc etc. So while we women are free to express ourselves and our feelings and we have a community of sisters and girlfriends where we can vent, cry and feel supported, our boys/men are trained to suck it up and hide their emotions….and those who don’t are labeled as gay or effeminate. So fast forward 20, 30 years and we have men who are not skilled at expressing their feelings, nor trusting that it is safe to be vulnerable and intimate. Which is why I tend to find men in their 60’s, after living a lifetime of sucking it up and feeling disconnected from themselves and others are tired of it, and they begin to finally explore and discover their feelings and deep desire for love, connection and intimacy….WE Women have so much power to change this…by being a safe place for men to become vulnerable and who they are…to express their feelings etc. Behind all anger…is FEAR.
@Johnnie girl, you may get offended and I apologize if I am wrong, but you sound like you are a man pretending to be a woman, because of the lecture you gave to women, from the man’s point of view.
You were quick to defend men. But did you remember to defend women any of that time.
1. Johnnie, are men willing to be a safe place for women to fall?
2.Women are wounded from childhood too, as we are constantly told to be lady like, saying girls shouldn’t talk loud, or girls shouldn’t say this or that.
3. It would also help for men to stop expecting women to learn their ways, our ways. Men should learn to honor us and love us too for all our differences.
I think it’s important to look at dating as opportunities to grow! With every dating experience, we have a chance to learn something about ourselves. If we see dating in that way, then there are no disappointments. 🙂
that’s a very good way at looking at it Donna! Like an adult!
Johnnie and Wildkitten,
You guys are both right. There are always two side to everything in life. Both person should be trying to learn from each other differences and try to understand each other better. If only one person is trying to understand the ways of the other sex, then the relationship will not last for long. This is from my own dating experience.
-Bev