Why You Should Put A Man Into The Friend Zone First
When I think of relationship success, I think every woman who is dating should consider putting men into the friend zone first. All too often, early relationship success is measured on whether or not there is intense chemistry. However, when you think of the happiest couples, most cite friendship as the number one reason for their joy & success.
So why aren’t more women putting men in the friend zone first?
So let me explain what I mean. I was thinking of my Facebook friend Dr. Pat Allen who says “friendship ceases after the first lay.” Does that mean once you have sex, there is no friendship? What I think she means is that if you have sex before building a foundation of friendship first, your foundation is built on the weakest link being chemistry. Chemistry in the early stages of dating is often brain chemicals running amok. Chemicals like testosterone, dopamine or even oxytocin are the contributing factors to a feel good connection when we meet someone new. When these chemicals wear off, what we are left with when no friendship has been developed, is a whole lot of nothing. If there is physical attraction for one another, spending time in the friend zone getting to know each other to determine mutual likes and compatibility, might serve you better than jumping into bed with someone you hardly know.
When a client comes to me frustrated over a guy she’s been dating who has reached a standstill or is even going backwards, one of my first few questions is, “are you good friends, how’s the friendship?” In addition, “could you see yourself married to this man for 35 plus years?” If the first answer is “no” and the follow-up is “no” my response is “why do you want this man?” Well, we have chemistry and great sex.
Here’s my take: fleeting chemistry and occasional sex rarely turns into a long lasting relationship. If you haven’t developed a good solid friendship, there’s no glue to hold the relationship together when bumps and storms hit. And let me say, every relationship is going to have problems and often it’s the friendship that holds it together, not great chemistry. Friendship and partnership is what endures a lifetime.
Most happy couples I’ve interviewed stated a strong friendship attracted them in and keeps the relationship alive and kicking. So by considering a new potential partner as a friend first (hence putting him the friend zone) and developing that along with the romance, the chances for relationship success is much greater.
So here’s a question, if a man truly wants a long term relationship, why isn’t he working on friendship first?
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That is not the true definition of “friend zone.” What you’re describing is delaying sexual satisfaction in order to get to know someone better when there actually is mutual physical attraction. This is a good strategy for people who are looking for a long term relationship. When there is mutual physical attraction, that is not a “friend zone.” A woman is not putting a man in the friend zone by doing that.
The friend zone can only be defined one way. It happens when one person sees absolutely no possibility of sex happening in the relationship. One party decides he or she would NEVER be interested in sex with the other person. The other party does. Simple as that.
You are sending the wrong message here. If a woman tells the man she’s friend zoning him but he still has a chance with her, SHE MUST BE CLEAR. We cannot get hung up on definitions. Remember, the friend zone is not where ANYONE wants to be. But waiting to have sex for the right reasons is perfectly acceptable.
Jason, While I get the definition of friends zone means “hey I like you, but I don’t want to sleep with you” I believe friends zone is a great place to begin a relationship along with romance (yes I mean chemistry). Developing friendship first has far more lasting power for those seeking long term relationship then those who focus on the sex first. What does friendship mean to you?
You’re missing my point. The definition of friend zone means that one party would never give the other person the opportunity to be in a romantic or sexual relationship. What you’re advocating is getting to know someone first before having sex. Whenever there’s the possibility of sex or romance, you cannot be in the friend zone. You are not using the term correctly.
Jason, While I agree the Urban Dictionary describes the “friends zone” as you did, I see it a different way. I am using the term to bring awareness to friendship and having that in one’s consciousness in the early stages of dating. Now when Websters Dictionary states a true definition for this place of being, I guess I will have to retract my post.
Going to have to agree with Jason here – I think these kinds of semantics matter. When a woman tells me that she would rather “be friends” it sends a very clear signal – that she’s not interested and I shouldn’t be either. I respect this and move on, it’s the way of the world. Now I think you should be clear and say that if a woman is looking for a long term relationship, she should put these intentions front and center and say she’s looking to build a mutual connection before getting physical. But this is distinct from the “friend zone” which is code for rejection and a lack of sexual interest.
Neil, I’m with ya and if a woman told me that she just wanted to be friends, I would feel the same way. Now with that said, what my blog suggests is the development of friendship along with chemistry. As a dating coach for women, all too often the focus is on chemistry and not building a friendship and then they wonder why the relationship goes south.
Now taking the terms aside, how do you feel about the merits of the post?
Jonathon, my only suggestion at this point is that you advise your female audience to never use the terms “friend zone” or “just be friends” or even “friends first” when having conversations about delaying sex with the man they’re interested in. They should instead indicate their romantic interest but be very clear about their boundaries to having sex too quickly. They should also emphasize they are looking to build a relationship based on long term compatibility and trust. This approach avoids the misappropriation of the word “friend” completely. And believe me, I’ve had many interesting debates with women regarding the definition of the word. And often women don’t get it unless they’ve been friend zoned themselves.
And even more importantly, if this conversation happens before the first kiss, all talk of just being friends should be off the table because she will likely not get a second date if she does. I would advise her to say instead that she would like to wait to get to know someone reasonably well over a significant period of time before she chooses to have sex should the topic arise.
As two people get to know each other, much of the learning process does in fact have to do with understanding the differences between the way people define particular words and phrases. “Friend zone” is so fraught with negative connotation and so strongly indicates sexual rejection that I fear it will be unnecessarily misconstrued and impair solid communication.
Friend label is the kiss of death to any budding romance from both the male and female point of view. It clearly puts very clear limitations on the new relationship. Romance is meant to be just that. Something is driving the person to want to know that person better and make the other happy. That attraction and chemistry is needed in order to bond with the other person.
A new budding romance between two people should be allowed to progress and develop, however, talking about limitations and expectations might be a good start.
Being open and truthful about your feelings is paramount and that also is true with friendships……. I look at attraction as being selection not rejection………B
I see 2 different views on the friend zone here. I’ve seen women put the man in the friend zone only to regret it later as he moves on and starts dating other women and she see what a great guy he is. Friend zone should be friend zone that says no chance on becoming more. That’s not to say there can be a change of heart later. When a guy here’s friend zone that’s the green light to go somewhere else.
Jason, I can’t see anywhere in my post suggesting telling a man “he’s in the friends zone” and yes, I totally agree with your following comment “They should instead indicate their romantic interest but be very clear about their boundaries to having sex too quickly. They should also emphasize they are looking to build a relationship based on long term compatibility and trust. This approach avoids the misappropriation of the word “friend” completely.”
Now I know you get the jest of my post and you are adamantly against the use of my “friends zone” and yet I’m sure you would agree that a woman who has a past history of jumping into bed too quickly should heed the merits of my post.
Barbara, My friendship with my beloved started as friends. In fact, I had suggested taking the romance off the table to get to know each other well before the physical parts of the relationship. Now I will not deny that there was attraction, but let’s say she considered me a friend first, but I was persistent. So for me, friends wasn’t the kiss of death.
Can someone show me where I state telling a man “he’s in the friends zone” please?
I think you clearly said put not tell 🙂 Right there in the first sentence maybe we are assuming the woman would tell the guy that. I’m embarrassed for assuming 😛
Jonathon, indeed because you haven’t explicitly stated that women should take care when speaking the words “friend zone,” is why I feel the obligation to say what I have said here. Again, I have had some very interesting debates and conversations with women over what “friend zone” actually means to them and it’s not always the same as what it means to us men.
Here are some direct examples from my experience:
1. A woman I dated briefly and had a sexual relationship with announced to me after some time she was “friend zoning” me. I explained to her that since we’d already dated and had sex, that was impossible. We were instead, exes.
2. A woman I dated very briefly, but had kissed, cuddled with, and even slept with without having sex called me her “friend” after all that. I felt hurt because there was some romance there. She had rejected me.
3. A female friend of mine started spending a lot of time with a particular gentleman who seemed to enjoy her company. He paid her way when they went out. He talked about how attractive she was. He even talked about what he wanted out of a relationship. My friend began to feel attracted to him and she wondered if he was really romantically interested in him. When she confronted him, he said he felt some attraction for her but they were not a match. Somewhere along the line he had “friend zoned” her, which indicated there would never be any romance or sex happening for them. My friend had never been friend zoned in this way before. She admitted to not really knowing what the term meant until she had this experience.
Anyway, I believe I’ve made my case clear here. The word “friend” has hurt me and other men many times in the past because it meant rejection. The women I’ve known have not always seen it that way. I prefer a clearer form of communication. We must be careful about the words we choose sometimes.
Once again Jason, I agree with you and as a coach I would never suggest telling a client to tell a man she likes “let’s be friends” Now on an energetic level leaving space for friendship to develop along with chemistry is far different. In addition, if a man pushes a sex agenda without truly wanting to get to know her rarely leaves a woman satisfied when he leaves as fast as he came (excuse the pun).
Developing friendship is a fundamental foundation of any happy loving relationship and rarely do the relationships that begin with intense chemistry turn into a long term relationship.
I’m not sure if you are single or in a relationship, but if your single may I ask… how have your most INTENSE encounters turned out? Are you still with her?
Developing friendship is viewing a woman with respect and a woman can feel cherished when a man investing getting to know her and not what’s in her pants.
OK, as a coach you would advise your clients not to say “let’s be friends.” That’s good. And my argument is that they should not say the words “friend zone” either. Time to leave that dead horse alone. But as a blogger, are you making sure you’re clear about this advice in your blog post? I say you haven’t until we’ve started this thread.
Now for me personally, the more sexually intense the opening of a relationship has been for me, the more likely the relationship has failed quickly, often spectacularly. Currently I look for women where that feeling is not as intense so I can get to know them to see if we’re compatible. And, yes, I’m primarily looking for a solid, long term relationship right now.
The rest comes down to semantics again, though. You and I can agree end goal here is a “lover and a friend,” not a torrid sexual affair. And it’s the only reason I emphasize to your female readership that they make sure to let the guy know the romance, attraction, and sexual interest is happening even if she’s the one delaying the first sexual encounter.
Jonathon, your case is somewhat rare. You somehow managed to extract yourself out of the friend zone and propel yourself into a relationship. Have you ever asked your significant other at which point in time did she suddenly look at you with romantic potential? I would assert that she would never have considered you a potential romantic partner before that turning point. How long were you friends before everything changed? The longer that period is, the harder/rarer it is for a friend to be converted into a lover.
Jason, I’m running out the door to take my sweetheart out to dinner, will try to respond later. Thank you for a lively discussion and I truly appreciate your comments/feedback. Are we facebook friends? Just wondered if I could put you into my friends zone. *smiles*
Great discussion to clarify meanings. I believe in getting to know a man well first that I feel chemistry for and vice versa in order to make the decision whether or not to move forward into a sexual relationship.
I think you are both saying the same thing – just differently.
Jason, I appreciate your saying not to use the term “friend zone” as I’d never heard it before. Now I know that a man would feel very hurt by that although that isn’t what I’d say. I don’t even use the word “friend” – just that I’d like for us to get to know each other better before taking the step to sex. This has to be said when there is strong sexual chemistry in order to slow things down and get to know if there’s more there for the two of you besides the chemistry as the chemistry can be so blinding.
Cindy,
I’m not sure how a woman would be mislead after reading this blog. Clear the blog states the advantages and benefits of seeking friendship first.
So how could a woman be mislead?
David De Silva,
Why would friend zone imply no feelings?
Jonathon,
As a dating woman, you are clearly advising me in the first paragraph to consider men when dating into the “friend zone” first. I don’t agree based on the below comment I posted on your thread:
I have to agree with JasonX. I believe the “wording” in your blog is what is being misconstrued similar to what Melanie stated. It’s not about whether or not anyone believes it’s best to “be friends firsts”. I was never friends with my ex’s before getting married/in a relationship. We “became” best friends IN time. It’s about using the term “friends” or “FRIEND ZONE” and actually saying it to the person. Any time I have ever told a guy I’m not interested and think it’s best to be “friends’, that means I am NOT interested in being intimate with him, ever. Just my opinion. I don’t become friends first with men now before dating. Why? Because I either want more or they do. JasonX is advising you to be careful in how you word your blogs because they can be easily misinterpreted and mislead women and men. True friendship takes time and if there’s attraction on one side but not the other, nothing other than friendship is likely to happen. If there is a deeper attraction on both sides, then romance can occur in time after becoming “friends”.
I’ve always interpreted “friend zone” to mean I like you just as friends, nothing more, there’s no physical attraction there. I think this is what most people mean by that term and how it’s interpreted (esp by men). The better way to phrase it is, “I’m attracted to you but want to focus on developing a solid friendship first” means something completely different and would be what I want to hear. I have female friends with whom I have no physical attraction (my best friend is such a woman), she’s in my friend zone. I also have female friends with which this would be very difficult because I’m physically attracted toward them, I’d want more than friendship….
So David, let have this chance to help those shift perspective.
If a woman energetically says I seek friendship and in her mind put a man into that zone, while the romance is occurring, don’t you think that’s an overall good thing?
While I understand the Urban Dictionary use of the term, how about the benefits of seeking friendship with chemistry and not the other way around like Dr. Pat Allen suggests.
Maura M,
As you suggested a woman puts a man into the friends zone after she made the choice of not being interested in a relationship. But what about putting him there before you make a decision one way or the other… what about that?.
Cindy, my suggestion is based on putting him there first before you make a decision one way or the other about having a relationship or not. Starting off seeking friendship first while allowing chemistry to grow and develop has far more greater effects than jumping right into chemistry (or in bed)… don’t you think?
Personally, when a guy is in the friend zone..he usuallly stays there. I know I don’t want things to go further with him, but I may want to hang out with him platonically.(as friends) If I am understanding you right, I think we are on the same page about this, but we just don’t refer to it in the same way. When I like a guy and the chemistry is there…I surely try and hold off as long as humanly possible to see if this could go anywhere before bringing sex into the picture. I see that as ‘being friends’ and learning about the other person. It sounds, to me, like that is what you are saying, but just in a different way. I definitely want to be friends with the man I am in a relationship with. No doubt.
I agree wholeheartedly with what David said above…
“While the romance is occurring” is the key term you use. I have female friends who are strictly friends and that’s all I want, and they know that. I want to know, and I think women do too, if the other person feels more than that toward me (attraction, chemistry) so I know how to approach the situation, otherwise there’s confusion and usually hurt feelings.
That being said, this is a very confusing area. I was just in a 2-month relationship that ended and she told me “all I ever wanted to be was friends and I didn’t do anything to lead you to feel anything but that”, this after spending a weekend together and her telling her friends that she was “seeing someone”. Say what? That’s why when the term “friends” is used I think you Ned to be very specific about what you mean….
Personally, when a guy is in the friend zone..he usually stays there. I know I don’t want things to go further with him, but I may want to hang out with him platonically.(as friends) If I am understanding you right, I think we are on the same page about this, but we just don’t refer to it in the same way. When I like a guy and the chemistry is there…I surely try and hold off as long as humanly possible to see if this could go anywhere before bringing sex into the picture. I see that as ‘being friends’ and learning about the other person. It sounds, to me, like that is what you are saying, but just in a different way. I definitely want to be friends with the man I am in a relationship with. No doubt.
I agree wholeheartedly with what David said above…
David, I would agree that being friends only would suck for a guy who wants to take the relationship further. However, if men and women began focusing on friendship first and not make the relationship all about chemistry (and what I mean is SEX), the chances of the relationship going the distance is much greater if there is mutual values & compatibility.
When a man develops a friendship with another man, there is no agenda and usually involves respect. Men who have an agenda for sex, often care more about themselves and don’t comes from a place of respect.
I totally agree with that and, as Maura said, I think we’re saying the same thing but phrasing it differently. What you just said is exactly what I want, spending time with a woman (whom I’m attracted to and vice versa) and having relaxed fun, ad we get to know each other, keeping the physical in check (can’t do without kissing though, and it sends the message of attraction/chemistry) and focusing on the relationship and each other. This is definitely the way to go!
Jonathon,
Yes, but the issue is I rarely meet men who “want (or CAN) just be friends” with me and not want to be intimate quickly. It would be the rare guy who would be fine with developing a true friendship first which takes time and then wants to be in a committed relationship.
I have great guys as friends but they’re from meeting years ago as opposed to now while I’m dating.
I think the best way I’ve heard it put was like this…
Don’t sleep with a man until he signs your contract. Meaning, if your contract states no sex before marriage, so be it but let him know. Or, If your contract says we need to be exclusive and have a 2 months of great bonding, fun dates before we go horizontal then just let him know. Whatever your boundaries are coupled with your comfort zone and your moral code – just let him know.
I don’t recall where I heard that bit but I thought it made sense.
A guy friend of mine just explained to me the other night that he is not someone who [when with a woman who he has a mutual attraction with] can wait and just be friends. He said maybe some guys can do that but I can’t. Geez I’m thinking that is a real recipe for diseases of all sorts because you’re not even taking the time to find out what you are actually getting yourself into!!
This is a very interesting topic and accompanying comments!
Hi Jonathan,
I want to thank you for your article on friendship. It is exactly what I normally do because it feels natural to me but very rarely has it been validated. I agree with the men who have posted a reply saying the term”friend zone” implies something different.. as in no sexual interest. I do suggest maybe not saying “putting men in the friend zone” but instead simply stating ” while you are attracted to a man, you control the pace of the relationship. Men need this in order to chase/court you. In order to control the pace, you must do things you would do with a man that involves friendship such as activities together, walking, sports or anything that can establish an opportunity for the man to establish an emotional bond.( Be sure to highlight how this is achieved differently for both sexes. Women unconsciously automatically assume the sex is an emotional bond for men like it is for women.)
Thank you
Masha
Hi Jonathan,
I want to thank you for your article on friendship. It is exactly what I normally do because it feels natural to me but very rarely has it been validated. I agree with the men who have posted a reply saying the term”friend zone” implies something different.. as in no sexual interest. I do suggest maybe not saying “putting men in the friend zone” but instead simply stating ” while you are attracted to a man, you control the pace of the relationship. Men need this in order to chase/court you. In order to control the pace, you must do things you would do with a man that involves friendship such as activities together, walking, sports or anything that can establish an opportunity for the man to establish an emotional bond.( Be sure to highlight how this is achieved differently for both sexes. Women unconsciously automatically assume the sex is an emotional bond for men like it is for women.)
Thank you
Masha
okay, let me jump in now. When I hear the term “friend zone,”, right away it means to me someone who i am no longer interested in romantically. for eg. I was corresponding with a man who i met online on facebook through our high school alumni association. He seemed interested in a relationship with me but didnt want to talk on the phone. (red flag). After speaking about us transferring to the phone and his constant excuses, i finally came to the conclusion that this guy was not truly interested in me and decided to put him in the “friendzone”, meaning I am no longer interested in him in a romantic way cause it is clear to me that he is not serious. So friendzone to me, means someone who you are no longer interested in. A second example. I overheard my ex-boyfriend before he disappeared on me calling me “one of his girlfriends”. He was visiting me and was talking on the phone to his best friend. He told his friend that ,”I am at one of my girlfriend”s house.” I was shocked. He called his female friends, “his girlfriends” so when i heard him calling me that, I concluded that he ahd friendzoned me, in other words demoted me to friend status. I was shocked. But you meet a man and you are NOT ATTRACTED TO ME and you decide that you want to be just friends, it suggests that you are not attracted to him in a romantic way. sometimes its later down, things sometimes, thin gs change. Now if you are interested in a man and want to take it slow and get to know him on a social level first before progressing to intimacy, that is different.
As a fellow dating coach, I want to support you Johnathon in what you are trying to say because I totally AGREE with you. I often tell my dating coaching clients that instant chemistry is not an indication of long-term potential in a man.
First, you have to get to know a guy to see if you LIKE him as a person – hence the friendship piece. Do you have a similar view of the world? Do you understand each others’ sense of humor? Do you enjoy his company? These are indications of long-term compatibility and that, plus chemistry can be exactly what you are looking for in a romantic partner.
The first phase of dating is a lot like playing poker. You keep your cars close to the vest – which is why you wouldn’t TELL a guy he’s in the “friend zone.” The objective is to see if you have enough in common to be friends because as you stated – that is the foundation for a healthy, lasting relationship. And this takes time to figure out – certainly longer than recognizing instant sparks of sexual chemistry which often lead a woman down the road to heartbreak.
What Jonathon said was to put a man in the friend zone first. To a man it must bring back painful memories of a woman rejecting a guy. Yet in woman speak this means–use your head to see if the man is compatible. Build a strong foundation and then have orgasms/sex.
All it takes is for the woman to say I find you hot and I want to make love but I am not ready–if she’s not ready as she needs friendship first.
This is honest and the man knows — she likes me and wants sex one day just not know. The good guy will stay!
I meant not now.
in my experience women use friend zone (or friend area) to mean they love getting attention from the guy but they will never have sex with him. no guy who is interested in a girl ever wants to hear that phrase. it’s right up there with “we need to talk”.
i think a guy needs to feel that he’s not in the friend zone or he’ll worry that he’s getting used. even if the woman isn’t ready for intercourse there should at least be some intimacy (you can do a lot with your pants on). and in some ways i think it’s easier to start as lovers and then see if you can build a friendship. if not then at least you had some good sex.
you read about people saying they were just friends for years and then suddenly decided to jump each other but i have never experienced that. to me the jumping needs to come first and then you see if you can be friends.
amanda seyfried had this to say in Elle:
“Everybody I’ve dated I’ve been sexually attracted to immediately,” she said during an interview with the fashion magazine. “Sparks don’t grow—your vagina doesn’t become more inclined to wanting someone just because you’re around them.”
I agree with Amanda Seyfried and Bruce. I’ve been around men who are the very definition of “hot” and they were friends from the first moment we met. Nothing will ever happen beyond the platonic. The “friends zone” is the wrong word to use here. What Jonathon is referring to is “take it slow, get to know” even though the spark is there.
What do you do when it seemed that the guy wanted you in the beginning and then when you asked him about that and he said no? At one point I told him I needed to be friends first because he told me he’s a player. So after two years when he wants to see me (rarely), there is this magnetic current between us that I know he finds uncomfortable, so he brings this girl friend with him to deflect that attraction. It’s like the only way he can relate to a woman is with sex, even though I am sure he knows what I know, which is that we are soul mates. I’m being patient and waiting for him to get that I really care about him and won’t use him as other women have. That seems to confuse him. He texts me that we are friends. But we aren’t. Friends see each other and hang out and play. I wonder if I should comment on that magnetic current. But the girl friend is always around. She wants him and he says to her with me there that he doesn’t want her. She’s aware of his attraction to me and resents me. I’m really not interested in anyone but him. I wake up thinking about him. Other men just don’t spark anything in me, no matter how attractive they are. So I wait and hope that something changes because if he will ever be friends with me, I feel that will lead to the expression of the sexual feelings we have indicated we feel for each other. But I am not interested in sex with him without friendship. Been down that road too many times and had too much heartbreak.
Jonathan, you are so RIGHT! When I met my boyfriend, I was attracted deeply attracted to him as a person but not quite sure about the sexual chemistry. I put him in the friend zone and we became friends. We went out as friends for several months. It took the pressure off completely. After observing him for several months and seeing the kind of man he was, I fell madly in love with him. And guess what? We are ten months into the most loving, caring, HOTTEST relationship I’ve ever had. Everyone I know, and that means everyone, who jumps into bed thinking it’s going to turn into love, is just deluded.
BTW, Amanda Seyfried is dead wrong. She’s a very young woman. I speak as a mature, divorced woman in her fifties who’s observed people, myself included. I’ve had three deeply passionate love relationships in my life, and I did not think that one of these men was “hot” when I met him. But I fell in love with them for the right reasons—mutual attraction, yes, but moreover, I watched them for months, observing how they treated people, INCLUDING ME. I learned that we were compatible, and had complimentary interests, passions, and desires. They made me feel good when I was around them, not insecure and wondering what they actually wanted.
Yes, Amanda, my VAGINA DID CHANGE after I got to know these men and fell in love with them. One relationship lasted 10 years, the other 5 years, and I am now 10 months into the relationship I refer to in the above comment. Each of these relationships was sexy as hell but I could not have predicted that the moment I laid eyes on them. Maybe because I think with organs better equipped than my vagina to make life decisions, and by those, I mean my heart and brain.
Great article and great discussion Jonathan! Two questions:
What does it mean when the situation is reversed and a man calls your relationship friendship and there is also a certain amount of flirting.Is friendship male ‘code’ for you’re a buddy and no more to me?
Secondly. how does a woman who is wanting friendship first to avoid being put in the buddy zone because she has overly reduced her mystery to a man?
Anne
Putting someone in the friends zone is the express way to no romance ever. Either you will never see them in a romantic light or you will but by then they will have moved on to someone who didn’t friends zone them. I’ve learned that if it doesn’t happen instantly it never will.
@Diana. You and he are probably soulmates but I highly encourage you to not wait for him. You have one life and deserve to be happy. We have many soulmates in this life. Find another one. This guy will either come around or not. Either way, love is available now with someone else.
I agree with JasonX. This article should read: ‘Why You Should Build A Friendship First’
I have to agree with Jonathon. You can pull up Urban Dictionary and see how many different definitions there are for friend zone that are posted by multiple submitters and all are basically societies made up definition. Until Webster’s places it in specifically, I’ll stick with my own meaning; not one that society sees as a permanent rejection spot. I, myself feel that friend zone isn’t a definite yes or no permanent place for a person that I could possibly grow to love romantically some day, and friend agrees.If our friendship happens to grow into something more that would be great, but if not, neither of us are losing anything and will have gained a great friend. As long as healthy boundaries are established, and honesty is maintained, we are both fine being “friend zoned” until our relationship matures. We hold absolutely no expectations of each other. Women being emotional creatures, see sex as a way to a man’s heart, no matter how many articles we read that tell us to wait and we eventually become attached; if we just give it up he might just keep us around for the long haul. We’re searching for that one man that may be different this time, who might just respect us because of our choice to give ourselves freely because we think he’s deserving way too soon, only to fall for him and our feelings aren’t reciprocated like we had hoped. We wind up hurt and blame him for a bad choice that we made. Love and commitment doesn’t happen in a few days, or a few dates. I speak from experience that sex early on complicates and ruins things. I have yet to see a healthy, long-lasting relationship that was built on the basis of sex first and friends later. If he truly sees a future with you, knows your worth, and considers you a friend…sex won’t be his top priority. He will wait. All <3
Amen, it is such a relief to take sex (although mutually desirable) off the top of the list! I am in a new relationship that has all of the chemistry and attraction, yay, but it is also such a distraction when you and he are trying to filter through the noise for something deeper and more meaningful. He told me in the beginning that “all relationships start as friends”, my sentiment is that I will someday marry my best friend. Thankfully, neither of these sentiments mean that we have “friend zoned” each other…but rather that we understand the more solid foundation of friendship as the base for a growing romantic relationship. “Friend zoned” has a distinct meaning that is not romantic for one-side of people involved. Being friends with your beloved is not the same thing 🙂