Are You Frustrated By The Alpha Male? Consider a Blender
Are you attracted to Alpha males?
Most women are.
But have you actually been in a relationship with one?
Have you experienced the downside of being with an Alpha male?
Women are attracted to Alpha males because of their self-confidence, their strong leadership, their abilities in bed, and their success. But every good quality has a downside, and the typical Alpha male’s attention will be on his needs first and yours second. That’s just how it works, because the very nature of Alpha is to be in control.
The term alpha comes from wolf packs where there must be one leader, and the pack is submissive to the leader. Typically, Alpha men can be domineering, they often prefer women who can be controlled, and they can be very selfish partners.
When you date an Alpha, you could be in for quite a ride…
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His intelligence may become smug arrogance, which might lead to being argumentative.
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His self-confidence often morphs into cockiness and brashness.
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His success means his career and leisure activities will probably come first, and to heck with yours.
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His leadership might aggravate you if he tries to dictate your every move.
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His assertiveness might turn to aggression and stubbornness.
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His amazing ability in bed could become selfish sex once he “has you.”
An Alpha male tends to be motivated by materialism, and he may be in search of a trophy wife simply because he feels entitled to one. She is typically submissive, and her needs will be secondary to his.
So do you really want a typical Alpha, knowing that he’s probably going to be a jerk? If you are an Alpha female, typically you look for a man who is more Alpha than you are. That could be a recipe for disaster, as you’ve probably already experienced.
But if I were to mention a perfect match for you is a less-Alpha male, you’d immediately tell me no. Right?
Alignment is what makes a relationship thrive, so a very strong woman usually butts heads with a very strong man. Alpha females tend to be best suited with less-Alpha or Beta males. She is the driver in the relationship, and his natural desire to be led will allow him to follow. However, the Alpha woman doesn’t tolerate the submissive nature of a truly Beta man for long.
There’s a third option: a Blender.
A Blender is a good guy who can hold his own but isn’t seeking a power struggle. He can play well with others and seeks a “we” relationship, not a “me” relationship. A blender is not “set in his ways.” He’s not all about himself like an Alpha can be, nor does he desire to be led like a Beta man often does.
A Blender is often confident, independent, and successful. He’s not hung up on money or material possessions. He blends into your life and makes it better. He’s usually not rigid about where he lives, and he may have a profession that doesn’t tie him to a specific geographic area. Blenders are good guys with good hearts who make mistakes and can sometimes be selfish… typical guys.
Make no mistake here: Blenders might be Beta, but not necessarily. They’re easygoing but can take care of themselves. Think of them as Good Guys with an Edge. A Good Guy cares about others, is accountable, and takes personal responsibility. A Guy with an Edge can hold his own, he’s not a wimp, and he’s a stud in the bedroom. In short, he’s a great guy with balls.
Sometimes, a Blender was an Alpha (Alpha-Blender) who had a setback or two and discovered that the material stuff didn’t matter. He became a better, more mature man when he became a Blender. He’s not tied to physical possessions or a specific location. He’s easygoing but can take care of his own stuff and step up to take charge when necessary.
The challenge most alpha women will have is their desire to have a stronger alpha man and that will energetically block them from attracting a blender. Simply being aware of the blender should help the alpha woman attract this man into her life.
Could a Blender or Alpha-Blender work for you?
“Blenders” are all some of us have ever looked for – some of us women who are willing to work hard to have good relationships.
The alphas don’t like us – they only look for women who can bring them “status”, and even if they approach you like that on the basis of your looks, the minute you open your mouth and say something intelligent you’re lost (and lucky if they don’t try to talk over you), because they’re so hypercompetitive.
And the “betas”, utterly oblivious to womens’ time concerns (because most of them are just as narcissistic as the alphas; they’re just more passive-aggressive and sulky about it), will take up to FOUR YEARS (yes, this happened) to ask for one date.
The problem is, the “Blenders” behave just as dysfunctionally as the rest of them – taking their acquisitive cues from the so-called “alphas” and the passive-aggressiveness of the “betas”.
So … how about introducing a topic we don’t already know about? An idea we haven’t already tried a thousand times?
How about ASK MEN TO BE AWARE OF AND ADDRESS THE PROBLEMS THEY BRING TO RELATIONSHIPS … since they’re half the people in them??
Oh, no – we can’t do that. That would cut into our market share.
*smh*
I don’t believe that there is such a thing. If there are they are all married by now. The perfect balance between Alpha and BEta??? That’s what ALL of us women are looking for!
Women want a bad boy who will only be good to us. And men want a good girl who will only be bad for them.
Plus the more “edge” a man has the more likely he will gravitate towards women that this article was not written for.
Lady Z, Are you saying that men are all or nothing? They are either all alpha or all beta, is that really true? I do agree that with your comment “Women want a bad boy who will only be good to us. And men want a good girl who will only be bad for them. “ but are bad boys ever really good to a woman in the long run. I for one am a blender. I’m a good guy with balls and there are a lot of us out there. So I would recommend holding stating there are none of us out there… they do exist. As far as those reading my blog liking this post… I’ll watch the numbers and let you know.
I think the biggest problem here is finding the blender. I really love how you encourage women to be a little more forgiving on who they’re willing to date (ie not only alpha) but I’ve always found that the good blenders are always already taken! Maybe I’m not looking in the right places or something :p
Let me tell you, I’ve got a blender on my hands and he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me! My last serious boyfriend before him was so set in his way and controlling that I felt like we couldn’t ever compromise on anything. He was doing so well at his job that it was all he ever seemed to care about. His work friends became out only friends and then everything just got swallowed up.
Now my guy is still successful, but he isn’t so alpha that he has to be in control %100 of the time. Ladies let me tell you, if there’s a blender in you’re life that you’re not looking to get with you are missing out.
Are beta really the worst thing in the world? Some of my girlfriends are so picky about the men they date because they have to make this much, or drive this car, or be this tall with this kind of watch, it’s just stupid. I feel pretty confident about my looks and my personality, but I know I’m not supermodel. If I don’t hold myself to an unrealistic standard why should I do it to then men I date? Ultimately I feel that it leads to me more fulfilling relationships when you just take a second to look at your expectations and examine how realistic they really are.
This is so pathetic,. Men do NOT fit into these 3 rigid categories! Each man is an individual with individual personality traits and qualities.
Interesting article but I kind of agree with Ian above. don’t you think most HEALTHY people know when to give and take, to take care of things and when to compromise? And if you keep on finding any body who is selfish and controlling maybe it’s your OWN personality that needs to change in order to meet someone who is a healthy blend.
Completely agree with you, Angie….emotional health is the key! The article does not describe HEALTHY Alpha Males!
I dated a blender once long ago, he had a Masters in Textile Engineering AND was a fashion designer,
(yes, heterosexual), he literally rescued me from a burning building, and was a great cook, quiet,
but strong, and was an alpha male in giving good sensible guidance when I was about to do something
unwise. In short, a real mensch!
Then he went back to his home country for family reasons, but I had some wonderful times with him!
I have had many mentors (male and female), friends, acquaintances, and of course professors in my
field who are blenders. I’m also a blender.
At any rate, blenders exist and are well worth finding!! For those of us who are mature women (and/or
gay men looking for a partner), if a man matures well and gains life experience, he’s often a blender or
alpha-blender, so there is hope!!
And no, not everyone fits into 3 or 4 rigid categories (Alpha, Beta, Blender, Alpha Blender),
its just a handy way of describing some folks dominance tendencies in human social
interactions.
I’m with Angie….the Alpha you describe is not a HEALTHY Alpha Male
Is your blender concept a fallback for having had to deal with unhealthy Alpha Males?
https://soundcloud.com/iac2015/mccall-jones-shadee-ardalan-anatomy-of-a-healthy-alpha-male-05222015