How Long Do I Wait to Hear from a Man?
A reader asked:
When we have a date from an online site and it’s good, and he asked that night if I wanted to see him again and I said yes, then how long do I wait to hear from him? Do I send a “thank you for a nice evening” text?
This man has a back strain and went to the chiropractor, so maybe that is why I haven’t heard from him, but how do I know? In the meantime, I am trying to continue online dating, but I wonder how to handle this?
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Good question. It’s perfectly appropriate (and a great idea) to send a thank-you text either later that day or first thing the next morning. Say only this: “I had a great time getting to know you, thank you for a wonderful time.” Or something similar, but THAT’S IT.
Do not say anything remotely resembling, “I would like to see you again.” No matter how great the date was or how much chemistry you felt. When you do that, you’re reaching out, which is taking the masculine role. That’s his job, so let him do it. You’ve let him know you had a good time with him, so it’s his turn to pick up the ball and run with it. Or not.
Don’t make excuses for him, like he has a back problem. Women often create elaborate excuses to initiating contact. This usually comes from a needy place and men are rarely attracted to needy. Just know that a man who enjoyed your company and want to see you again will make the effort to reach out. Relationship ready men are eager to plan dates when they see potential.
So sit back, relax and allow him to do his job… pursuing you. If he doesn’t, don’t worry, there’s an abundance of great men who want to date you.
The only thing I disagree with is texting him after the date. If the woman expresses her delight in the time she spent with him while on the date, and she thanks him in person, her sending a text sends a needy vibe in my opinion. Like you said, let him lead.
Thank you for letting it be ok that the guy pursues you! So often I just want to feel like guy are working to be with me, but I also don’t want to feel inferior to them. You make it seem so simple! I wish every guy I ever dated would read your stuff 😉
Do you offer dating classes for men?? I’d love to send my boyfriend to one lol! But really, I love how you let the man be a man. I work hard to come across like a lady and darn it sometimes I want to be treated like one!
nice article, let me take a tour in your blog.
So true. Let the man do his job. He should be chasing you, so just chill out and wait or move on.
I’m torn on texting him the next day. It depends on the man.
Totally disagree. I had a great date. The guy text the next morning and said he enjoyed our time together. I replied I did as well and said I’d definitely like to see him again. He matched my words verbatim and planned the dates thereafter.
Text is tone def. The text you recommend could easily be read as a polite thank you. Personally, I think women need to make it clear they are interested in seeing the guy again. That’s not pursuing- it’s a clear green sign for a man to act (if he so wishes). I consider it my job to express clear interest – the work thereafter is still on him. I have also found this saves me from second guessing myself. If I was clear in my interest and he does nothing; the answer is clear and I need not worry about why he might not be contacting me.