Why the 10 Date Rule Works
We’ve all heard stories of people who slept together on the first date and it turned into forever after.
How often do you think that happens?
Honestly?
Not nearly as often as you might think… about one in every million one-night stands. Those odds aren’t great, so how can you improve the chances of your forever after?
Take your time and follow the 10 Date Rule. It works.
The 10 Date Rule merely states that men are most likely to seek relationships with women they’ve dated at least 10 times. These are real dates, not merely hangouts or coffee meet-ups. I’m talking about dates in which you go and do something together in public.
Men want connection, true connection, as much as women do. In general, they’re a little slower at forming that connection than women are, and 10 dates is a good rule of thumb. A man is not going to continue asking you out if he’s not interested, and if he asks you out on 10 dates, he’s into you.
It all makes sense when you think about it. Why would a guy (or a gal) rush into a relationship without testing the waters first? The 10 dates normally happen over the course of several weeks to a couple of months. That’s being prudent and taking things as they come.
Of course, sex typically happens sometime during the 10 dates, but if you sleep with a man too soon, it’s hard to tell if he was in it for the conquest or was seeking a relationship, no matter how intense the chemistry was. Take your time and have sex when YOU are ready and can handle whatever happens afterward.
(Yes, he could dump you after sex on the 10th date, but if he’s just out for a conquest, he’s not likely to last that long without sex.)
If you can keep your cool for those 10 dates and not let your heart take over, you’ll see him clearly and objectively and make a decision whether you want him as your boyfriend.
You do the choosing, not the men.
Staying calm and collected during those dates will help you make a good decision instead of being ruled by chemistry. And the 10 Date Rule helps you weed out the good guys from the players and the “I’m not ready” guys.
But how do you read the signs during the 10 dates? Is there a way to tell on date 5 if he’s good boyfriend material? After all, you don’t want to waste time if you don’t have to.
I’m often asked about the best way to tell if a man is seeking a relationship or a conquest. Here is a partial list…
- He takes you out on dates instead of always staying in.
- He stays in regular contact between dates.
- He introduces you to coworkers, friends, and family.
- He says “we” and “our.”
- He can wait for sex until you’re ready, with no pressure.
- He takes an active interest in your life.
- He tries to fix things for you, whether it’s a leaky faucet or an issue with a coworker.
All of these actions are more likely to happen if you’re following the 10 Date Rule. Most men will not act like this with a one-night stand or a woman he just wants as a friend with benefits or a booty buddy.
Don’t let yourself get into a hurry when it comes to dating… and don’t let your heart run away with you. He’s out there, and if you follow the 10 Date Rule, you’ll create the relationship you want, almost effortlessly.
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10 dates to see if the juice is worth the squeeze. I don’t think so. If a woman is being structured and following a rule or plan whatever we want to call it and is not acting naturally and following her instincts. This to me at least would be a pre cursor to how the relationship would continue. Genuine desire is never negotiated and if it is it leads to obligated sex.
If you are a female and have dated the best and the worst kind of guys, you would appreciate this article. If you are a male, the obviously you won’t. When I read this, I couldn’t help but reflect on my previous rel and I can say that had I known this 10 date rule before, I believe I could have dated less and only the best of men. By looking back, I agree that you truly see men’s true color and agenda by not rushing through it and letting the connection flow more naturally—as what the 10 date rule implies. Thanks Jonathon!
so does pissing in the pool make you feel like a man because from my vantage point your just another moron who can’t find a real job ! 10 date rule LOL only for an asshole like you my friend.
Hey Tom, Thank you for sharing how you feel. Just curious, what value is there in judging someone you don’t know or have never met?
I think Tom needs a nap…lol Good advice on 10 date rule.
I agree with Ric.
Kindly write your article we see what a man according to you should say ……….bro you damn like super .
I follow my own 3 date rule…. if I can’t get in her pants by the 3rd date then she doesn’t feel attracted to me enough to continue dating her. I obviously date her because I’m initially and sexually attracted…. and if she isn’t equally attracted by the 3rd date then it’s not a winning relationship.
I pity your past girlfriends and current gf or wife.
Ditto. Anything past date 3 with no sex lands you in the friend zone forever
Clearly that’s why you are still single then Ron
Great article, i almost totally agree with you.
But:
– Why you need to wait for X amount of dates just to know if he/she is serious about it? Stating during the first or second date that I am serious amd i want to find out if we are compatible or not ( over the course of those 10 or 15 or 20 dates) seems a good plan as well. I guess that after 3 or 4 dates it’s already clear that that person is potentially serious about the whole thing. Adding on top of that honesty and communication and it s a win win.
By your statement, I assume you are a male. Try dating the best and worst of men first…then you will understand how the specific number “10” was formulated. It is an estimate but serves as a guide that contrary to the very short 3 dates you are proposing (which only accomplishes the goal of getting into someone’s pants), the 10 dates will show the true intention of the man if he sees you beyond just a tool for his sexual pleasure. It serves as a screening process to weed out the bad grass. Because let’s face it, women have to be very selective BECAUSE it’s the woman who gives birth (sacrificing her beauty and sometimes even life in the process of it), takes care of the household most making sure both children and the husband are satisfied (men are not judged of they concentrate on being the breadwinner alone) as well as the house itself, and when the partnership fails, it is the woman who most of the time appears left out (assuming of course that you dated a normal/regular woman and not a rare psychotic one)
It does matter how long you wait. There are so many sleaze bags out there who just screw women over to get into their pants and then swipe right and find another willing participant to play their stupid, phony games, however, these men are pretty easy to spot with their creepy energy. I’d say at least 5 or more dates. Sure, fool around but with stds absolutely flowing around with apps like Tinder taking over, just be careful and say upfront that you are not just looking for a hook up.
Hi Jonathon,
If I were you, I would ignore all the negative comments that people are publishing here.
What you explained in this article makes totally sense and I appreciate that you have shared this with the world.
Please keep publishing more articles!
Cris.
Thanks Cris…
I need to know how to tell if your bf is cheating on you.
Thank you Jonathan.I agree whole heartedly about the 10 date rule.
Thank you.
Rachel
I just finished the 2nd date last night with a woman I’m totally into. She quickly agreed to the 3rd date. Now, I’m a little confused because the chemistry is there, but we have yet to have any sign of intimacy other than hugging. I’m not expecting to spend the night, but even a peck on the cheek would be an improvement. Granted, we were wearing masks when we said our goodbyes, so there was no chance for a kiss. That being said, this article gave me a bit of perspective if she’s following an X date rule. I don’t think all guys are out there for the conquest, but as relationships go, it is a 2-way street, and there has to be some give and take. Anyways, I hopeful that we have many dates in the future so that the 10-date rule becomes more of a suggestion than a rule.
It’s funny to see the comments and people showing their true colours in an article intended to support women’s desire to protect their intimacy and values. Who wouldn’t want that?
Guys get weeded simply by their reaction to a boundary. I think this rule rocks. If you can’t stick around and respect someone for 10 outings, that says a lot about YOU.
sad and often true
Great article! Thank you Jonathan.
Thank you