Don’t Put Him on a Pedestal

Don’t Put Him on a Pedestal

When you place someone else’s happiness above your own needs, wants, or desires, you’ve effectively put that person on a pedestal. You’re saying that he or she is more important than you are.

Because women are typically selfless and full of love, they tend to do this to their men. And on one hand, we love it. We love being the center of your attention.

For a while.

And then we feel uncomfortable and smothered, like you depend on us for your happiness.

This is one reason we fade away or disappear.

We really do want a woman who can stand on her own two feet, a woman we don’t have to prop up. When you can make yourself happy, you’ll attract happiness in return.

“Pedestalizing” happens because we treat the person we love the way we want to be treated in return. Now, when you’re with the right guy, he will make sure you don’t overdo it. As I said, we do like it when you put us first sometimes. And we like to put you first too.

Where you run into problems is when your guy lets you put him on that pedestal and keep him there. He doesn’t put you first but greedily snaps up all the love and devotion you give him and gives you little or nothing in return.

Self-love is the key here. You need to be happy, secure, and in love with yourself before you can be happy, secure, and in love with someone else. You may try to argue that you know lots of women in good relationships who don’t love themselves.

I would reply that outside appearances don’t always tell the whole story. When you are OK in your own skin, it won’t matter whether a man is around or not. You’ll be happy, and a man will be the cherry on top of your sundae.

MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY FIRST.

Here’s how:

• Have a happy life by yourself and away from your man. Always take time to do your thing on your own. Like to read? Spend an hour each night alone, buried in your favorite book.
• Don’t “forget” to call your girlfriends and spend time with them. Guys do not neglect their friends, and neither should you. Have regular girls’ nights out.
• Don’t allow yourself to get too wrapped up in your man. Some women don’t even buy a new lipstick without approval from their men. Be you, not Your Guy’s Girlfriend or Mrs. Your Guy. Have your own identity, likes, dislikes, opinions, peeves, and joys. He will respect and love you even more, and so will you.
• Set healthy boundaries and expectations… but not too many. Know what your deal breakers are and stick to them. Make sure they really are deal breakers and not just being picky. Dishonesty is a deal breaker… a car you don’t like is not.
• Don’t give power away to anyone. You have all the power you could ever need or want; you just have to take it. Don’t ever let a man put you down, make you sad, or make you feel less-than. You are amazing and deserve a man who’s on your level.
• You cannot “make” anyone happy, and they cannot “make” you happy. Happiness is an inside job. It’s your right, duty, and privilege to do what thrills you and not do what doesn’t.

Remember: if you’re happy, he’s happy (90% of the time). Don‘t depend on him to make you happy—do it for yourself.

Be proud of yourself, respect yourself, and stand up for what you want in a relationship. You will have a relationship with yourself forever, and guys come and go. Who should you make happy first, yourself or a guy?