How To Deal With Stalkers

How To Deal With Stalkers

As a MidLife dating coach, I’ve been granted some unique experiences as I’ve learned to navigate the dating landscape. Well, let’s just call them perils. But it’s all good because it helps me to help my clients find their way through the dating realm with greater authenticity and ease.

Two weeks ago marked my first stalker and I must admit it was a little unnerving. After one or two emails, texts and a phone call in a one week period, a date was planned two weeks out.

What happened next freaked me out. Text messages were flying in fast and furious proclaiming how much she was into me. My phone was about to blow up. At that point I decided to have a conversation to chill her out and then a passive aggressive move was asserted by her. This is when I suggested we were not in alignment and it was best to cancel the date/meet.

The texts have not stopped. While my first reaction is “psycho” and to throw her under the bus, I’ve since shifted to compassion. How much pain can one be in if they are desperately seeking love? Untouched and unhealed childhood wounds have a way of surfacing in a destructive way as we get older.

However, it’s important to understand the signs of a stalker and determine what might be the best way for you to deal with this situation.

*Can be very charming initially
*Very frequent calls and texts
*Showing up at places where you are without prior discussion
*Increasingly controlling or possessive behavior
*Tries to isolate you from friends or family
*Sends unwanted gifts
*Causes your friends and family to feel uneasy
*Tries to manipulate you with threats or guilt

While you may want to respond with compassion and empathy, it’s also important to consider your personal safety. People like this can respond to your kindness by just wanting to keep taking your time, and possibly considering it a sign of your interest in them.

If you’re starting to feel overwhelmed or threatened, stop all forms of engagement immediately. Keep a record of all calls and texts. It’s not your responsibility to try to save them. Set firm boundaries and protect yourself first.

If unwanted contact continues, you probably need to seek outside assistance to put an end to it.