How Do You Measure Value?

As many of you have noticed, lately I’ve been discussing the notion that it’s okay for a woman to initiate a date or even pay for a date in the early stages (the first 10 dates).

Now some believe that if a man doesn’t always initiate or always pay, he doesn’t (or will not) value you. I completely disagree as you can’t value someone in a romantic way if you really don’t know them yet.

From where I sit, spending money isn’t a measure of value. Initiating isn’t always a measure of courage. There are a lot of men who have limited entertainment funds. There are plenty of men who have fear of rejection as well.

If you need to measure up a man for his worthiness and value, think through these questions:

*Does he take personal responsibility in his life (demonstrates emotional availability?)
*Does his actions match his words (demonstrates trust?)
*Does he make time for you (demonstrates enthusiasm?)
*Does he introduce you to family & friends (demonstrates pride?)
*Does he accept your flaws (demonstrates flexibility?)
*Does he have balance in his life (demonstrates no need for saving?)
*Lastly, does he show up with attention, affection & appreciation towards you (demonstrates he’s falling in love?)

As humans, we are not perfect and expecting others to be is a recipe for disaster. The dating process is a dance and a two way street. Men deserve to see value and worthiness just as much as women. A man wants to see a woman put in some effort just as well (which means they don’t get to sit back and receive).

Try not to think of a man as a potential partner at first, perhaps as a new friendship starting. You’ll find out if you are compatible as you talk and go to various events. Remember that money will not tell you anything about a person. Character counts and you’ll only learn what makes him tick over time. It’s best to be friends first before you take the next step into a dating relationship.

There will always be some for whom doing things the traditional way is best. Be true to yourself what’s important to you but as you consider the challenges of midlife dating, be open to another paradigm.

He says one thing but does another. Does trying to understand the male mind make you a bit crazy? Believe it or not men really do want to be in healthy relationships. In Unlocking the Male Mind I’ll share my own insights about men and what they’re really thinking!

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