When is it Time to Let Go?

From My Inbox:

“We’ve been married for 25 years. Because of his unhappiness, he has asked for a divorce. But I don’t want the divorce. I’ve been trying working on our relationship for the past 2 years. However, he recently he moved out of the house. He said he doesn’t want to be married anymore.

The biggest issue in our relationship is financial! I told him I accept him as he is and am willing to compromise but he is not listening! He is 65 and I’m 56 years old. I love him so much. I don’t want to lose him. I will do whatever it takes. I want to grow old with him. Jonathon, What should I do? I need advice…please help.”

I really feel for you. This is a heartwrenching situation but the hard reality is that you can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to and it’s hard to let him go while you still love him. But if he doesn’t want to be married, there is little you can do at this point. It’s hard to understand the whys, but it might just be that in reality, he is unhappy with himself.

If you’ve exhausted all the avenues available to you, it’s time to learn how to come to peace with it. After a while, you might realize that you weren’t really happy either and you wouldn’t have him back anyway. Remember that you’ve done all you can do. You can’t make him stay. He has his mind made up. Maybe he’ll change it again in the future, but don’t hold your breath. It does sound like it’s over….really over.

At this point, It would be great for you to think about what support you need during and focus on self-care. Spend the time you’ve been pouring into trying to fix the marriage on yourself. Get some counseling to help you accept it. And then just move on. As scary and terrible as that sounds, it could be the best thing that ever happened to you.

Avoid focusing on the loss, and see this more as the transition into what will be the next right thing for you. Allow space for good to come to both of you. However, do not force an outcome, just be open.

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