Communication & Dating: Why Banter Is A Good Place To Start

Good Communication From The Start

Have you ever been on a date and you feel like you just don’t have much to say, or that good communication is a struggle? Even more disheartening is the awkward silence that stretches out so much it has you wishing you never decided to say yes to dinner and to the person sitting across from you.

What if I told you a little preparation can make for more ease and peace on that first encounter? What if I told you, that if good communication isn’t there in the first place then it will never be there at all? If he doesn’t make you giggle, smile and think, then it’s just not worth trying to go out with him. You see ladies, this type of playful communication banter is a good thing. Banter is the kind of chemistry that makes conversation fun, light, and sometimes sexy.

So here is a tip. I believe the first phone call before a date is so important. In fact I think that a twenty minute phone call before a date can speak volumes. Most people approach dating based solely on initial attraction or chemistry. Theybelieve it’s the main factor for relationship success. While looks and sexual attraction are important, shared values, common interests and similar communication style is the true path to relationship success.

We all know time is precious. Spending time with someone who is off base is time you just can’t get back. There’s nothing worse than being attracted to someone (especially those who get hooked) only to find out there is no compatibility whatsoever. A brief conversation prior to meeting someone can save tons of time wasted on the wrong person.

The Top Three Things You Need To Know

You are probably wondering how in the world you are supposed to gauge if the first date is worth it in a twenty minute phone. In my opinion, you want to make sure that you are actually interested in what he has to talk about. The first thing you want to pay attention to is what he actually spends his time doing. A question that might be good to ask is: What are his interests in life? Does he read? Does he exercise? Does he like movies? Does he participate in charity work? Getting a quick sense of his interests is the first step to determining alignment. Speaking of alignment, you want to make sure you have done some soul searching and have figured out what you want in a mate, too.

The second question worth posing is, “Does he have passion?” A life without passion is a boring life to me. So, when he shares his interests… do you hear passion in his voice? Is he in a life that is filled with joy and excitement? Does he seem to have a good head on his shoulders for dealing with personal growth?. If you feel like you are talking to a man who still may not be over his past and who doesn’t seem to have much interest in the world around him, maybe it’s a good sign you shouldn’t go on a first date.

Lastly, can you banter with him? Similar and easy communication styles is an indication of friendship, and those who can banter can usually create strong bonds. In fact, if you can have a real friendship with the person that you are planning to date long term, then you two are definitely going places. Let’s face it, long-term relationships make for conflict here and there. The key thing is to be able to communicate with each other well. Sometimes banter is the only thing that will break up an argument. One minute you’re angry, and the next minute you find yourself laughing. The key point here is that if you don’t have good conversational energy from the start it is going to take a lot of work to get there.

How to Make The Call

You don’t want it to be awkward and you don’t want to seem like you are digging too much for something that isn’t there, so my best advice is be up front. Let him know you are interested in who he is as a person before an escapade out on the town. Keep the conversation light but take interest the areas that are important to you. Note if he has good values, is making you smile and if you are actually looking forward to the first date.

I have mentioned this already, but ladies you really need to know what you are looking for in the dating world, and most importantly in the man you hope to one day fall in love with. If you don’t know this, you will find yourself stuck with someone who isn’t adding up. I have said this before, but knowing yourself, your needs and your wants is a key part in creating successful relationships.

Also, don’t be afraid to say no. If that twenty minute phone call leaves you feeling like you don’t think it is going to work out then don’t waste your time. You have to say no to things and people in your life that don’t serve you, in order to say yes to the the ones that will. Remember that. You have the freedom of choice here, use it to your advantage.

So the next time you’re considering going out with someone, give him a quick twenty minute call to set the stage for a good date. You are worth it! Life is too precious to invest in a dud, don’t ya think?

And if you need a little extra help, check out Unlocking the Male Mind. In it I share what men really want at each stage in your relationship, and how you can easily create that great connection you deserve.