Men Have NO Clue What They Want From a Relationship
Now I’m sure the title of this podcast might have you saying: “Well duh, men are rather clueless,” and if you ever have said that it might be because you’ve experienced a past hurt or witnessed a friend who was in a dysfunctional relationship.
Women often say to me, why is dating so hard, shouldn’t it be easier to fall in love? And the answer is yes and no.
The way I see it, many folks are seeking love without clarity as to who they are or what they want, and these days men seem the most clueless when it comes to clearly know what they want.
In today’s episode, we are going to explore the DEEPER question about what it takes for a relationship to work and why men aren’t necessarily clueless, it’s just they haven’t been taught.
Let’s talk about… Men Have No Clue What They Want From A Relationship
Podcast: Play in new window | Download
Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | iHeartRadio | TuneIn | RSS
Resources:
1 on 1 Call with me: https://www.jonathonaslay.com/schedule-a-coaching-call
5 Qualities Men Seek In A Women (FREE GIFT) https://www.jonathonaslay.com/qualities
Mid-Life Love Mastery — https://jonathonaslay.com/midlifelove
Self-Love the Book: http://www.selflovethebook.com
Very helpful, thank you.
My ideal relationship would be ideally hum drum and driven by love, like, interest, humility, authenticity, integrity, objective ability and enjoyment, self-care, each-other care, relationship-care, playful innuendo, good timing, intuition, self awareness, creative, effective conflict resolution, sex that leaves us feeling in a drug induced state, respect for togetherness and space, respect for gender differences and similarities within the relationship, shared interests and hobbies, shared senses of humor, a money tree in the backyard, being part of an awesome family and support system, pets, and a pool.
Jonathon – I had to stop after the whole men are commitment phobic statement.and comment here. My brain has been nonstop thinking about the last podcast I heard before this moving hell I’m in went into overdrive.
As to men being commitment phobic, what I see is that women are the wishy-washy schizophrenic ones. Men are the most committed of the two sexes about everything. If a man starts something he will work at it until he is finished and that’s where his mind will be focused. If women really want just a commitment then all they have to do is put a sandwich board on saying that they want marriage and they will think they turned into the pied piper. They will collect droves of men who will jump into marriage. Are these men an emotionally healthy woman wants? Absolutely not. My ex is now on marriage #6. He has absolutely no problem committing or getting married. He does not want to spend a minute single!
On the flip side healthy men will not jump into a committed relationship or marriage unless they know it is right, and we “schizophrenic” women think he is commitment phobic. He’s not, he’s smart. What if these healthy men are questioning whether a woman simply wants a ring on her finger or if she genuinely likes, wants, desires him, him the person, him the man. I personally if a man told me up-front that he wanted marriage all my red-flag antannae would be up. Okay, off my soap box for the moment and back to listen to the rest, which I know will be profoundly helpful.
I agree many men will work at a relationship at all costs; however, that’s not all men. And in midlife, many men are rather clueless or lack directionality is what I’ve observed.
The absolute most profound thing you said was co-create a relationship, and to do this both partners have to be emotionally healthy. Women should guide only when they are very clear on exactly what they want otherwise it will be worse than a disaster, same is true for men of course. Have to agree with you that only 10% of men AND 10% of women are clueless. What I hear from women is absolutely appalling, and I know what you listen to must be mind boggling.
I need to read all the pages I wrote of what I was looking for in a partner and how my former boyfriend fit or didn’t fit each criteria. Why? I just learned that he died of a massive heart attack in May. He had been writing on Skype ever since we broke up several years ago and when Skype became quiet I actually thought he had finally gotten over me and moved on. Well, I guess he did move on in a way. I will read everything I wrote and close out that chapter of my life and rethink and rewrite what qualities a man would have to have to be a part of my life.
Yes, I love the concept and experience of co-creating.
OOPS – 10% of women and men are NOT clueless. It’s late and I have been moving for days – cross-eyed. 10% of men and women are potentially ready to be involved in a healthy relationship is probably how I should have phrased it. Brain is as exhausted as the rest of my body.
Like I said in the podcast, this is my perception of what I observe.
Jonathon – This is what I wrote in 2010 about the time I met my former boyfriend. After first reading I really don’t know of anything I would change. — “I am loved and adored; I am cherished. I am married to my best friend, my spiritual partner.”
My ideal life partner is – physically strong, morally strong, faithful and true, brilliant mind, spiritually questing, wise and discerning, affectionate and kind, witty and humorous, sensual, sexual, adventurous lover who worships me sexually. Free spirit, unfettered, adventurous; open and honest. Hard working, adaptable; well read, cultural, educated; nature lover. Healthy living, safe and supportive, takes care of me. Grounded but nomadic spirit; versatile, capable, spontaneous, loyal and attentive; sweet and romantic. Shares life and desires, soul mate. Social, friendly, but enjoys quiet companionship. Well-balanced life. Strong and capable, fearless. Desires career, wealth, property. Desires a wife who is smart, capable, sexually adventurous, free spirit, loving, sensual, funny, feminine.
Okay, Jonathon, your turn. I am always interested and fascinated with everything you have to say.
Hey Linda, thanks for sharing. Question: My turn? What did you mean by that?
Jonathon – you had said that you would critique – I would have to go back and listen to know exactly what words you used. What I took away from what you said was that you would point out where we erred? I will go back and re-listen later because this was a very interesting podcast and I find myself re-listening multiple times to all of your podcasts, actually.
What I did NOT mean by “your turn” was that you had to give us (your fan-girls) your rundown of ideal partner.
I wondered if that was what you meant and besides, I do believe I describe my ideal relationship in the podcast. Thanks for your support.