Why Men Need A Traditional Approach To Modern Romance
Let’s face it, dating is a mess these days, especially in a swipe culture that can ghost someone in a second for no reason whatsoever. In fact, I know many women are calling for a traditional approach where men are chivalrous and deliberate with their intentions.
For the longest time, I disagreed with many of these women because I believed there was a level of entitlement in their desire. But now I’ve had a change of heart.
In today’s episode, we are going to explore the DEEPER reason why men must shift to a kinder more loving approach to dating to benefit all.
Let’s talk about… Why Men Need A Traditional Approach To Modern Romance
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Hi Jonathan,
I was married for 35 years (nearly my entire adult life). My husband died unexpectedly about 3 months ago at the age of 60. We had a very troubled marriage and had been separated, off and on, for a couple of years. We were finally planning to divorce at the time of his death. I suppose one could say that my grief is complicated.
I’d been watching videos and reading material about dating, relationships and trying to understand men for several years.
Your approach is one of the few that doesn’t include selfish manipulation, scripts to say and weird mind games. Thank you sooo much. I appreciate your balanced, compassion-based (for self and others) content. It is truly helping me to learn, heal and have hope for the future.
Thank you and happy to hear this content resonated with you… much appreciated.
Well, Jonathon, whole lot to think about with this one. I could write an epistle, both in what I agree with and what I disagree with. By the way, being graphic is not a bad thing – gets the point across splendidly.
I definitely experienced it – not because I was dating in the ’50s but because of growing up in a very legalistic church. I’m out of that unhealthy situation but I will hazard a guess many are not. “Treated kindly and considerately” – not so much so for the same reason as above. Almost every girl in my classes at school was sexually abused by a father, brother, uncle, teacher, pastor. “Me Too” says 1/3. It is much higher than that, sadly.
Traditional “commitment” or marriage (like in our parents’ day) in order to get sex is not so great for the children of these unions. Sure, back then they stayed together but this made their kids’ lives total hell. I personally would run like the wind away from someone who told me they wanted a “traditional” approach to dating. It is absolutely necessary to look at all sides of that scenario. I do understand what you are saying in that purposeful rather than just casual dating is to be desired, but just like far left and far right are just too far, thinking going all the way back to “traditional” is the way to go may just be too far back. Let’s work to create a new norm that is somewhere in the middle, and healthy, because if you experienced “traditional” in the way some of us have your hard on would go very permanently limp pretty darn quickly.
I have no idea how many of the women you talk to are from our generation and how many will be totally open and honest (I’ve been told I’m a rare bird!), but our Baby Boomer generation have a whole ton of abuses to heal from. You refer to lots of wonderful books. Let me suggest an author to you that if someone does disclose the horrific sexual abuse rampant in our generation of Baby Boomers, look into the work of Teal Swan.
Well, Jonathon, I do love your work so please don’t take this as criticism, just this particular topic needs a whole lot of thoughtful consideration and investigation. Thank you above all else that every podcast you give us does require that we think seriously and examine our motives thoroughly. You are brilliant at that.
Linda, I appreciate your comment and welcome your feedback. However, I do believe my point has more to do with intentionality vs. an archaic way of approaching a relationship. Did that message not come across?
Jonathon, no, not so much so. I knew what the intention was but what came across was romanticizing hell. Grow up together, in same neighborhood, same schools, churches, same dysfunctional parents with the same propensities. Same value system which was basically pounded into your brain in church and school. Same communication methods, or lack thereof, and this was glorified as being so much better than today where people come from different backgrounds, and social settings and have to actually communicate on some level to find out if they are even remotely compatible. No, what you did not make clear is that the way of the past, albeit sounding very romantic, was extremely dysfunctional and detrimental to everyone involved with, of course, some exceptions no doubt.
Now, in previous podcasts you have been much more clear on what is actually needed and desired in relationships, both by men and by women. I’ve said before there is no problem finding a man to “commit” to marriage but is he really the kind of man you would want? Quite possibly not. Finding someone who wants marriage is easy but finding someone mature, spiritually enlightened, learning and growing in a good way not so much so. Women do not need men who want a “traditional” courtship, they need a modern, mature man who is a friend, a partner, someone to learn and grow with. I do wonder if Christian preachers are still preaching “wives submit” very emphatically from the pulpit!
Thanks for sharing this additional perspective, had not seen it that way… much appreciated.
Jonathon, I don’t remember you talking about the type of men that are sort of opposite of players – in a bad way. We all know what players are but too many women are caught in the trap of what I guess I would call users. They want marriage, they can be very charming, they will woo you and do everything “right” to get that ring on your finger and that joint checking account. They will make certain that you do have your “inheritance” intact. Some don’t necessarily want the money but they want “Mrs. slave” catering to them all day long. These are the men who would be jumping for joy with someone actually pushing “traditional” courtship, “Hell, ya, send me all those women. I’ve pretty much run through all the money from marriage #6 so I’m in the market for my next “sugar mama.”
Now, I don’t remember if I told you this story previously but I walked across the street to the bus stop and the man already waiting there said, “I never thought I would get married again and here you are!” This was a bus stop, not a bar, I’m not some cute young chick, I’m retired. Red flag, red flag. I kept him talking long enough to learn all the history. Interesting for sure. Was he nice, charming, gentleman, reasonably good looking, yes all of that Was he on the “prowl?” I don’t know but I learned enough to politely back off Only thing more interesting was the “booty call” I got to the graveyard from homeless man. Good thing I’ve never been to a bar because what I encounter on the street (at my age) is interesting enough.
By the way, Jonathon, I do absolutely adore you and consider you one of the most educated, enlightening, brilliant coaches there is for women. So, thank you.
Linda, you are such a boost to my Self-Love with your kind comments about the work… big hugs and many thanks.